Tag: mental health

Meditation, Mindfulness and Multitasking

“To understand the immeasurable, the mind must be extraordinarily quiet, still.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

In a fast-paced world full of activities and distractions, it is pretty easy to get overwhelmed  and suddenly find yourself on autopilot, coasting back and fourth day in day out, as the weeks go by.

Sometimes, there are just too many things; goal setting and planning, implementation and execution, responsibilities at work, home, school… it can get crazy and you can swamped and cluttered.

Life can get so overwhelming especially when you feel as though you are being pulled in several directions but cannot get a proper handle on each aspect of your life…and those moments where it seems like you cannot seem to catch a break? You just want to sit in a corner, cry your eyes out and then move on.

The point is, life tends to get alot… and the thoughts that propel these activities that we engage in often get too much, and feel as though they are consuming us from the inside out. It feels like you are constantly chasing down these thoughts to put them in order but they keep getting away from you.

Then there’s social media. You have information about everyone and everything coming at you from every angle, unrestricted unfiltered, uncensored; the good, the bad and the very ugly. This can be unsettling some times and you KNOW you should take a BREAK, but there is that seemingly addictive pull to it that you cannot explain that gives you some sort of relief in spite of everything crazy going on in the world.

Meditation

No, meditation is not just about sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed and constantly making humming sounds.

Meditation is a whole lot more than that as it involves a using particular techniques like mindfulness to focus your mind on a particular object, thought or activity. By doing this, you are able to eliminate unwanted thoughts and clear the mind of any overwhelming feeling. You are also able to train your mind to be more attentive, aware, stable and calm no matter what may be happening externally. 

“With a calm mind, you are more likely to be able to act by rational choice and appropriately to the situation. When you are in a grip of an emotion, that’s going to bias your perceptions of what is occurring to what fits that emotion. Themes that don’t fit in, you are not going to recognize. So, a calm mind is an essential precondition for being able to respond to the reality, not the unrealities that you are preoccupied with. The Dalai Lama says that if you are only aware of how you felt afterward, that’s pre-kindergarten. If you are aware immediately afterward, that’s kindergarten. High school is being aware during, and college is if you become aware as the emotion arises. That’s what we would all like to do, so we can choose whether to engage or not, in order not to have episodes that we’ll later regret. And I think it’s possible for everybody to learn this.”

-Unknown

With Meditation, one feels more relaxed and refreshed afterwards and is able to eliminate any unwanted thoughts by clearing the mind of so much debris. Admittedly tough at first to do, with time, you learn to sit still and focus on one thing, perhaps your breathing, as you take steps to arrive at a peaceful place in your mind.

Mindfulness

In the midst of it all, it can get difficult to remain centred; to remain present or to actually be aware of how we are feeling in any given situation. In charting the auto-pilot course, we tend to take our feelings about situations for granted. We take for granted our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, mental health and how what is going on in our surrounding environment is negatively affecting us. And we just keep it moving.

“Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”

– Greater Good Magazine

Scientific research has shown that mindfulness helps reduce anxiety and depression. By effectively understanding and becoming aware of our moment-by- moment thoughts, feelings and sensations, we can find better reactions to difficult situations.

While Mindfulness could be said to be the awareness of something (emotions, thoughts, feelings and sensations), meditation is the awareness of nothing (by elimination of unwanted thoughts). However, both leave you feeling relaxed, more in tune with your body and true self and all together relieved. They aid in improving sleep, reducing high blood pressure and are a great stress reliever.

Multitasking

Another side to it all is this belief that we can do as many things as possible at a time. In trying to meet deadlines, achieve certain things and just handle responsibilities generally, we find ourselves attempting to multitask… trying to do two or more things at a time thereby giving half the effort to both tasks instead of solely concentrating on one task until that has been achieved.

Multitasking is a Myth.

Multitasking is really just an attempt at trying to do two or more things at the same time. It has been scientifically proven over and over again that the brain does a bad job at trying to handle more than one thing at the same time. Examples are checking your social media while driving or maybe checking your social media while working or reading and replying messages while having a conversation with someone else.

The more we try to multitask, the more the tasks before us suffer because we do not give our full attention to the.

The world is already a crazy place. Allow peace flow into your mind for your mind is your greatest asset.

Rachel.

6 Simple Ways to Prioritize Your Mental Health in 2020

You may have penned down your goals/resolutions/action points/ideas…whatever you’re calling it this year, for 2020; some of which may include plans to eat healthier, exercise more, sleep better or just achieve and maintain optimal physical health generally. However, it is important to ensure that you are intentional about your mental health this year.

You may be wondering “what has mental health got to do with it?”

Well, ALOT.

Your mental health; which includes your emotional, psychological, and social well-being, affects how you think, feel, and act. Your mental fitness or lack of it has the ability to positively or negatively affect vital areas of your life.

Furthermore, your mental health helps determine how you handle stress, relate to others, and make decisions in life. It therefore goes without saying that if you are mentally fit, fully present and at peace generally; and if you constantly decide to be happy in the midst of life and its eccentricities, then you are bound to achieve more.

“Your mental health is a priority. Your happiness is an essential. Your self-care is a necessity.”

The importance of optimal mental health cannot be over-emphasized. So, here are 5 practical tips to prioritize your mental health in 2020.

Take mental breaks/Unplug

This year might get crazy; crazy good and crazy not-so-good. You will face challenges, obstacles and probably overwhelmed at some point. Perhaps, it may be from the goals you have set as nothing good comes easy. You will therefore need to take mental breaks periodically to ensure that you do not get mentally burned out.

Mental breaks are great for your mental health in general because they give you a much-needed boost in creativity and productivity. They serve to rejuvenate and refresh your mind so you are not simply existing on auto-pilot mode on a day-to-day basis, “barely makin’ it“. These breaks, if taken the right way, serve to provide a healthy balance between rest and work/productivity in a very busy and distracting world.

Also, when you take these mental breaks, unplug from the world for some time. In a fast-paced world, such as the one we live in right now, it is easy to get enveloped in every distraction available to mankind. While it comes with its perks, the internet and social media have made our connectivity and access all the more heightened. We are connected to everything and everything is connected to us. Access to you has never been easier.

Take occasional social media breaks if necessary; disconnect from the world for a bit. I promise, YOU WILL SURVIVE. Be okay with listening to your mind and thoughts rather than having it crowded with information all the time or being pulled in different directions.

You can read more about why you need mental breaks and 5 simple ways to take a mental break here.

Avoid toxic environments

You need to be intentional about the environments and people you constantly relate with. You need to have the courage to move away from toxic people and environments that are not mentally healthy. If you can stay away from places, avoid certain types of food to preserve your physical health, then you need to be ready to do same to maintain optimal mental health.

When your brain is constantly filled with any form of toxicity such as verbal and emotional abuse, gossip, negativity as well as verbal beat downs, YOU CANNOT BE PRODUCTIVE. This is because your brain does not know the difference between right and wrong. Whatever you constantly reinforce is what it will believe. So if you consistently place yourself in these kind of environments, sure enough, you will begin to think like this.

So what if some of these toxic people are family members? Find a way to manage your relationship with each family member so you do not get mentally dehydrated while dealing with them.

Avoiding toxic environments and people will ultimately help to boost your mental health as you will not be constantly consumed by negativity and toxicity, thereby leaving room to allow you be creative and productive.

Say “No”

It is simply amazing what power this little two-letter word holds and what peace it brings. So I learned this pretty much late in life and used to be so stressed out and burned out due to the loads of commitments and deadlines I would bring upon my self just because I could not say no.

I would inconvenience myself for others to my own detriment and I was constantly unhappy (this is not to say that sacrificing for others once in a while is not good, but there has to be some kind of balance in place)…and being unhappy or constantly burned out is definitely not the recipe for productivity or getting things done; because honestly, if your mind is tired of doing so much all the time, then you’re bound to be moody, irritable, confused, frustrated and lack the necessary concentration required to get things done.

Learn to say “no” once in a while to avoid taking on too much at once and getting burned out. Practice Selective availability. If you cannot do it at the moment, you cannot do it and that is fine. As long as it is not a life-death situation, your mother, brother, sister, friend, cousin, uncle, niece or nephew will be fine. As soon as you unburden yourself, you can help out.

“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
~ Anna Taylor

Meditation/Prayer

No, meditation is not just about sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed while making humming sounds. Meditation is a lot more than that as it involves a using particular techniques like mindfulness to focus your mind on a particular object, thought or activity. Trust me, it’s a lot harder than it seems.

BUT,

By doing this, you are able to eliminate unwanted thoughts and clear your mind of any overwhelming feeling. You are also able to train your mind to be more attentive, stable and calm no matter what may be happening externally.

What you can do is take five to ten minutes of your day meditating. You can sit in an absolutely quiet place, close your eyes and focus just on your breathing or any other sound. When thoughts try to creep in as they normally would do, you mentally swat them away and maintain that quiet calm.

Praying also helps quiet the mind and keep the brain functional. This is because your body ultimately bows to your mind and the belief system you constantly reinforce therein. If you strongly believe that prayer will bring you peace and comfort, then it will. Prayer does not have to occur in a structured pattern. Just say it as you feel it and your spirit may just feel a tad bit lighter.

Journaling

I have been journaling for close to six months now and it has been absolutely amazing!

After my post on how journalling is changing my life and the benefits of journalling, (which you can find here) I have received quite a number of messages from people sharing their journalling stories and how it has helped them alot.

Look…it is something to be tried.

Journalling has been proven to reduce anxiety, clarify thoughts and perspective, encourage mindfulness and self awareness as well as serve as an emotional release, thereby keeping you mentally fit for periods at a time.

Reach out/ Open up

When was the last time you genuinely opened up to someone about your feelings, emotions or just how life is treating you in general? When was the last time you said something along the lines of “You know what, I’m not doing so great?” when a trusted friend or family member sought to know how you are doing. When was the last time you felt light after having purged yourself of any deep-seated emotions that linger within?

I will definitely be the first to admit that it is not the easiest thing in the world to open up or bare your soul to anyone. In fact, it is easier and faster to just mutter a simple “fine” when asked the usual “how are you?”

However, opening up to a trusted friend, a family member, your therapist (if you have one) or even a stranger, boosts your mental health as it purges your brain of any conscious and unconscious mental blocks that may prevent you from living a mentally healthy life.

You should not be ashamed or guilty to open up about what you may be dealing with, including any mental illness or challenges you may be facing. What is unhealthy is holding things in with the expectation that they would just fly away.

Please reach out and open up today.

I hope these tips have been somewhat helpful to you.

Wishing you Love and Light,

Rachel

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6 Tips to Help You Open Up Emotionally

On a scale of 1-10, how open are you?

The first number that came to your mind before you started over thinking the answer is your honest answer. No, not this one you’re now thinking of and trying to rationalize.

When was the last time you genuinely opened up to someone about your feelings, emotions or just how life is treating you in general? When was the last time you said something along the lines of “You know what, I’m not doing so great?” when a trusted friend or family member sought to know how you are doing. When was the last time you felt light after having purged yourself of any deep-seated emotions that linger within?

I will definitely be the first to admit that it is not the easiest thing in the world to open up or bare your soul to anyone. In fact, it is easier and faster to just mutter a simple “fine” when asked the usual “how are you?”.

Here are some reasons why opening up may not be your most favourite thing in the world:

1 . Fear of Being Judged/Genuine Intentions: You may be scared of being judged if you open up about what you’re going through or some of your thoughts and feelings. You may also be scared of people rejecting you if they knew parts of you that are not so visible. This may be because you have maintained some level of reputation in your immediate community and you may be concerned that opening up would get you judged. you may also be concerned about the intentions of people who asked you if you are okay regularly.

2. Personality Type: Perhaps you are more of an introvert or a “keep to yourself” kind of person who is usually on their own. You probably do not have much practice opening up or speaking about your feelings. You may have even assumed a certain “personality” to box yourself in so you don’t have to open up to people.

3. Upbringing and parental influence: Another reason why you may struggle with opening up is because maybe growing up, you were not encouraged to talk about your feelings or show any form of emotions considered as “weak”. If you cried or showed sadness, you were probably encouraged to “be strong” or “be a man”. In adulthood, you have therefore subconsciously associated speaking about your feelings or emotions/being expressive with weakness.

4. Fear of uncovering old emotional trauma: You may be terrified of opening you to people about how you’re feeling in the present moment which may be as a result of a trigger of certain traumatic experiences you’ve experienced in the past. Perhaps you’re trying to erase those experiences from your mind and you’re scared that opening up will uncover them.

5.Fear of being vulnerable: Another reason could be that you are scared of being vulnerable or baring your soul to another person. You are scared of someone else having access to your thoughts or emotions and are very guarded. Perhaps you are a very independent person and are not used to being vulnerable emotionally. Or perhaps have opened up to trusted friends or family in the past and they have betrayed your confidence and trust.

The truth is that people who struggle with opening up sometimes crave the positive feelings that come with pouring out thoughts and feelings to a trusted friend or family. If you belong to this category for any or a combination of some of the reasons listed above, here are some practical tips to help you open up. It’s not a guarantee that you’d start opening up immediately, but if these simple tips are practiced with time, there could be some positive results:

Embrace Vulnerability

If you can learn to embrace the vulnerability of being open to others, regardless of how it turns out, you will feel more secure and satisfied in life.
“One way to become more comfortable with vulnerability is to separate your action from the outcome. You can control what you say and whom you open up to, but you can’t control their reaction or what they do. Once you realize that you aren’t responsible for how others behave or react, you may feel more free to open up.”

Vulnerability is not weakness. Seeking help is not weakness.

Remember that you’re not a burden

Often times, we resist opening up to even trusted friends or family members because we do not want to “burden them with” our “problems”. Yes, everyone has what they’re going through at different phases of life, but you are not a burden. Your “problems” are not a burden to those who love you and care about you. You are amazing, special and loved. You do not have to have everything figured out at once and this is why you need to be open to being open (see what I did there?), especially when going through a hard time.

Remember that your feelings/emotions are valid

Whatever you feel at any given time is valid. Society pressures us into having certain feelings/emotions to different phases/experiences in our lives. Remember that your thoughts, feelings are valid and just because someone else might not understand or resonate with them does not make them any less so. Remember this when next you want to shut down the idea of opening up to someone because you feel you might sound “too sensitive” or “too emotional” or like “you’re complaining”.

Be as specific as you can when communicating with others

This may be hard to do at first, but with practice, you can get positive results. When you’re communicating with others, be specific. When someone says to you, “How was your day?” don’t respond with, “Fine. Yours?” Be more open than that. Give details. Provide examples. Share stories. People will feel more connected to you (and will probably share some of their own stories) if you open up to them. Don’t be afraid of details.

Find ways to connect

If you feel that you have a circle of people you cannot open up to for a myriad of reasons, find ways to connect with others. If you take the time to learn about the world, and about others’ views of the world, you’ll have more opportunities to connect with others. Don’t be afraid to share what you know or bring up unusual topics. You’d be surprised how much you might have in common with someone else.

Try Journaling

If you struggle to open up to others about your thoughts and feelings, allowing yourself the freedom to write your thoughts and feelings as the come to you, with no filter, can be very freeing and help you see the benefits of expression.

Journaling is an amazing way to articulate your thoughts more clearly and helps you understand in-depthly how you are feeling at any given time.A short while back, I wrote about how journaling is changing my life and some great benefits of journaling.

In time, you’ll be able to express yourself more clearly to others.

Most importantly, remember that if you’re not used to it, being open with others takes time. When you first begin opening up to people, there will probably be a lot of fumbling and bumbling and trying to figure out what you want to say and how you want to say it.

It is not easy for some people open up and it may take an entire conversation (or many conversations) to really begin connecting with someone on an open level.

Be patient with yourself. Every time you’re open with someone, the door opens a little bit more.

Every little creak of the hinge is progress.

“Being vulnerable means being open, for wounding, but also for pleasure. Being open to the wounds of life means also being open to the bounty and beauty. Don’t mask or deny your vulnerability: it is your greatest asset.”

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Why You Need Mental Breaks + 5 Simple Ways to Take a Mental Break

The importance of taking occasional mental breaks cannot be over emphasized.

Mental breaks are great for your mental health in general because they give you a much-needed boost in creativity and productivity. They serve to rejuvenate and refresh your mind so you are not simply existing on auto-pilot mode on a day-to-day basis, barely makin’ it. These breaks, if taken the right way, therefore serve to provide a healthy balance between rest and work/productivity in a very busy and distracting world.

Most times, people refuse to take mental breaks because they are subconsciously connected to certain procedures and routines, so a break (whether mental or physical) in same threatens to make them feel purposeless or bored. The ironic thing about this is that while you may often cry out for a break “Oh I need a break!”, “I’m due for a vacation” and so on, the moment you take a break, it may be difficult to break free from procedure and routine. This is why you find yourself working/responding to emails on vacations or searching for a new course to take, to fight the feeling of not doing enough or the purposeless feeling.

I recently took a mental break from it all and it was simply amazing. I would be the first to admit that sometimes I fall into the category above of people who feel the need to do something at every point in time. However, in recent times, I am learning to just be and enjoy being.

So how do you know if you need a mental break ASAP? Here are just a few signs to show you you may need to take a break and chiiiiiilllllll.

No Motivation: You lack the motivation to get things done and nothing seems to inspire you anymore. You’re just going through the motions of life and sometimes, try to get motivated, but keep failing to be motivated.

Irregular sleep pattern: You are currently experiencing an irregular sleep pattern which may be due to stress, insomnia or “burning the midnight oil”.

Anti-social: You have become anti-social and subconsciously prefer to experience socialisation through your phone by scrolling through social media and interacting with people online.

Stressed out: You are currently mighty stressed out due to workload, activities and sometimes, unrealistic deadlines you are fighting to meet. You are therefore highly irritable, frustrated, always on edge and just all over the place mentally.

Low creativity/productivity: No matter how hard you try, putting high quality work out there seems to be a chore and your productivity is greatly declining.

There a lot more signs that you may need a mental break which I will encourage everyone reading this to research on, but the fact remains that if you feel it in your gut that you’re due for a mental break, then you most likely are!

So what ways can you take a mental break? Well, I am glad you asked!

Unplug: Unplug from it all; distractions, notifications, emails, social media…all of it! Sometimes, we may convince ourselves that scrolling through social media is taking a break. While that may be true to some extent, our brain still does some work while looking at photos or reading captions which are capable of evoking different kinds of emotions within us.

Take some time to meditate: Even if it’s just for five minutes a day. When on an extended mental break, meditating and observing quiet times for minutes or hours at a stretch can help quiet and refresh your mind. Meditating or observing a quiet time does not mean overthinking or mentally crossing of things on your to-do list. Think of nothing in particular or just visualise relaxation by thinking of an image that relaxes you such as the warm sun on your skin or a calm sea.

Immerse yourself in nature: Feel the ground or grass underneath your feet and focus on being present on enjoying your environment and the scenery. You can also take a walk as this is great way to relieve stress because it’s a great escape for your mind. Heading out for a quiet early morning walk in a peaceful environment when possible may offer even more relaxation.

Just Be: Be okay with “just being”. Simply sit still and take it all in slowly. Don’t be in a rush. You may also choose to relax, watch something or read a book. This may serve as a great escape and can leave you feeling refreshed, relaxed, and ready to face whatever is outside your bedroom door.

Stay away from Toxicity/Negativity: Consciously staying away from toxic/negative people, situations or thoughts is a simple way to take a mental break. You are left feeling positive, refreshed, creative and productive. It’s okay to take a break from toxic or negative people, no matter who they are or where they are.

While these are simple ways to take an occasional mental break or two rom every day living, it is important to state that going on a vacation or changing locations does not automatically mean you are taking a mental break. Mental breaks need to be intentional, purposeful and effective.

You do not need to go for a vacation or change your location to take a mental break. All you need to do is shut down and shut out for a while till your mind feels rejuvenated and refreshed.

Remember, “You’re still worthy even if you do nothing. Your worth is in your being, not in your doing.”

I hope this was helpful in some way. Kindly share with me in the comments what simple ways you take mental breaks!

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How Journaling is Changing My Life + 6 Amazing Benefits of Keeping a Journal

Writing has always been a great purge for me.

As far back as I can remember, I have always loved expressing my thoughts in words, to the best of my ability, I must add…because sometimes, my crazy imagination cannot be put into simple words. LOL. So writing has always come easy to me and with time, I found that I did quite well expressing myself and articulating my thoughts with words.

I had always been a “journal-keeper” at different stages of my life, if there is such a word. Of course, at some point, I fell into the “Dear Diary” phase that plagues most female pre-teens/teenagers where I would whisper untold secrets to my diary (the type that came with a little gold padlock and key in its edge) with words, feeling confident that the padlock kept my deepest darkest secrets safe from the world. Plis, what secrets?

LOL. Youthful innocence.

Some months ago, I started Journaling intentionally and its benefits have been too great not to share. “Journaling generally involves the practice of keeping a journal that explores thoughts and feelings surrounding the events of your life.”

Whichever type of journal you choose to keep (gratitude, goals, ideas, values, experiences, curiosity or a combination of all), journaling and writing down your thoughts, feelings and emotions in different moments is guaranteed to give great scientifically researched benefits.

Journaling has become an integral part of my daily routine (I do this 3-5 minutes everyday, some days are longer). After the last sentence, whatever it may be, I drop my pen on my paper feeling somewhat satisfied, purged and more aware of myself, my emotions or what I am feeling at that point. I am then able to connect with myself in ways I may not be able to do through out the day (if journaling in the morning) or may not have done through out the day (if journaling at night.

I am really excited to share some of these simply changing and amazing benefits of journaling with you. They include:

Journaling reduces stress and anxiety

ARRGGHHH! I cannot over emphasize this enough! Journaling has helped to greatly reduce stress and anxiety in different aspects of my life. You find that writing about frustration, anger, sadness and other painful emotions helps to release the intensity of these feelings. By journaling your emotions and thoughts, especially when they are not so great, you tend to feel calmer and better able to stay in the present.

In the moments where I have felt overwhelmed with some challenges, putting pen to paper, even if not having the right words, has helped reduce any anxiety or stress felt at the time.

Clarifies thoughts and gives perspective

Another benefit of journaling is that it helps you prioritize, clarify thinking, and accomplish your most important tasks, over urgent busy work. Journaling has definitely helped me clarify what I need and desire in various aspects of my life.

By writing down your thoughts routinely, you get to know what makes you feel happy and confident. You also become clear about situations and people who are toxic for you — important information for your emotional well-being. You become clear about who you are as a person, why you feel the way you do in certain circumstances and how you can apply yourself to become the best version of yourself.

“Thinking in writing has this magical quality of clarifying your thoughts.”

Furthermore, journaling also helps to reframe your personal narrative and gives you a fresh perspective on people, experiences, things and lessons learned. By reflecting on your thoughts and experiences, you are, in effect, telling your own story. Journaling therefore helps to find new meaning and perspectives in these narratives.

Emotional release

Journaling serves as a medium to release your emotions on paper; when you are happy, sad, pained, angry, frustrated, sober or just feeling grateful, writing down your thoughts and expressing how you feel can be a great way to release your emotions.

When we are going through certain emotions, we find that we either want to speak to someone trustworthy about it or just shutdown completely and drown in our thoughts. Journaling serves as an effective way of purging intense emotions that may be raging deep within you so you do not implode or explode over little things.

Encourages mindfulness and self awareness

For me, this has to be one of the most amazing benefits of keeping a journal. By consciously articulating and writing down my thoughts, experiences and emotions at different moments, I have become more mindful of who I am at my core, the decisions I take and the impact these decisions have on me. I am also becoming more aware of my self ; my temperaments, likes, dislikes, wants, needs and so on.

Increases Gratitude and encourages healing

Often enough, I try to write down things I am grateful for. This could be difficult especially if going through a tough time. However, by writing down at least one thing, you become aware of the fact that life is not just composed of unfortunate events and it encourages you to maintain a positive attitude to life.

In addition, journaling helps healing through difficult moments. By consciously writing down your experiences, lessons learned and your feelings about these experiences, you are able to heal through these tough times. By writing and repeating affirmations, you are able to take control of your thought process and focus on healing and not suffering.

Self-discipline and achievement of goals

Needless to say, journaling helps to boost self-discipline and the achievement of goals. By constantly writing down your goals, how you feel about attaining them and the best ways you can achieve them while staying true to yourself, you learn to discipline yourself and can achieve goals set out in various aspects of your life. You are able to track your progress and look back on what you could have done better.

What if I writing is not my thing?

A typical question that comes up on journaling is “What if writing is not my thing?”. To this, I simply say “Then make it your thing!”

The benefits of journaling are just too great and impactful for you to box yourself into only what your thing is. As human beings, we are constantly growing, evolving, learning, unlearning and changing. Allow yourself to evolve and welcome new things/routines that are guaranteed to boost your mental health.

So how can you start?

Your journal does not have to be anything fancy. Just a simple notebook and pen would do. I would definitely recommend journaling the traditional way with a pen and paper and not on your phone. Psychologists have determined that writing things out by hand improves memory and encourages deeper thinking and reflection.

Your words do not have to be perfect or sound like a perfectly crafted novel. You are not writing for the Pulitzer Prize in Fiction. No one is going to read your journal. Also, there are no right words. Just let your thoughts flow on paper.

In addition, it is important that you schedule time to journal, especially when you are attempting to make it a part of you. 3 to 5 minutes daily or every other day is okay at first or however long you find yourself writing words on paper.

And if you find yourself glaring at a blank page with a pen tightly clenched between you fingers for the longest time with nothing to write, start by writing down 5 things you are grateful for or 5 important lessons you have learned in the past week/month. Or simply write an open and honest letter to yourself, or perhaps a loved one you have been meaning to connect with or even a loved one lost.

I hope this was helpful for you. If you have started journaling, please share with me in the comment section, the benefits you have gained or hope to gain from keeping a journal!

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Finding Balance; The Compartmentalisation Conundrum

Life is balance. Everything you see as life, everything that you see as yourself is beautiful only when it is in balance.

-Sadhguru

Recently, I have been learning a whole lot about finding and maintaining balance in life. Balance between career and/or school, personal goals, faith, relationships, emotions, unexpected rollercoasters, highs and lows, failures and disappointments, successes and triumphs…the list goes on.

I have also learned a few things along the away about effectively compartmentalising (this word is a mouthful huh?) various aspects of life. Compartmentalising (do not bite your mind’s tongue, lol) in the sense that you learn to put different aspects of your life in their separate place and are able to give a good amount of attention to one aspect even when another aspect may be negatively affected (this can be so so tough in practice).

Life really is all about balance. There is tremendous amount of beauty in balance and being able to effectively devote different amounts of time and energy to separate aspects of life so that when one aspect may be lacking, other aspects still have the chance to thrive. Where there is an upset in balance, this may result to a decrease in productivity and creativity generally.

If tend to be quite an emotional person or perhaps you feel things very deeply like me, chances are, sometimes you have issues with finding and maintaining balance in life. This could be because each aspect of your life may drain you emotionally, mentally and physically. Some days you find that you are too overwhelmed with everything going on around you that how you function in important aspects of your life may be negatively affected. Your productivity and creativity dwindles and you find yourself getting less and less motivated or giving your barest minimum at work or at your goals because you are emotionally drained.

Say you are dealing with a hard break up, the loss of someone close to you, a betrayal in a friendship, family drama, relationship drama, depression or any other mental health issue or you are just trying to get yourself out of a toxic situation. It may just be a nasty mood swing you may be in. You find that- and let us be frank here- if you are negatively affected by any of these scenarios, you may not be in the mood to be productive, creative, chase those dreams, smash those goals. In fact, getting out of bed in the morning could be the hardest part of your day. The reality is that sometimes, this happens to the best of us…no matter how put together “that person” looks to you.

It is however important to remember that finding and maintaining a healthy balance in life is not only essential for your happiness, but for your productivity and creativity. The good news is you have all it takes to find and maintain the much needed balance.

Emotional balance is facilitated by practicing emotional regulation and distress tolerance. Emotional regulation relates to identifying the emotions that are being felt in the moment, and observing them without being overwhelmed by them. Emotional regulation skills include self-soothing activities that help to reduce emotional intensity and provide a calming effect, such as: meditation, intentional breathing, yoga, listening to music you enjoy, progressive muscle relaxation, taking a walk or a hike, reading something pleasurable or spiritual, singing a favorite song, exercising, visualizing a comforting/relaxing image, journaling, etc. 

Psychologytoday

So, how can you find and maintain that much- needed balance and learn how to also effectively compartmentalise aspects of life so other parts can thrive while one part may not be doing well?:

Become aware of Self: It is not surprising that alot of people are becoming more self aware in learning to handle and deal with life internally and in relation to other people. By becoming more aware of yourself, you are aware of your emotions, responses and reactions to certain situations. You are purposely conscious of your character, personality and feelings. You then have the ability to effectively manage these feelings and emotions in different circumstances so you do not get overwhelmed.

One way of digging deep in becoming more aware of Self, as I have learned, is to practice the “why” technique. By doing this, you ask yourself a series of questions until you get to the root of why you feel the way you do, especially when it negatively affects your productivity. So if you are in a foul mood, you ask yourself “why am I in a foul mood?” and if your answer is “I don’t know” then you ask yourself “why don’t I know?” and on and on until you hit seeming roadblocks or the root of the issue.

Identify the emotions and Put it in words: By doing this, whenever new feelings pop up that threaten to throw you off balance, you focus on what you exactly feel and how it affects your body. It could be helpful to close your eyes and try to figure out which body part you feel tension.

After you have identified the emotions or feelings that could be triggering an imbalance, be ready to admit and say to yourself or a trusted person “I’m anxious.”, or “I’m feeling sad.” This helps you to take a step back from your automatic reaction and respond more consciously. An important thing to remember is when you feel a certain way, it is okay to not know how you feel or why you feel the way you do at a certain time. Take some time off and revisit your feelings in some hours and get answers.

Practice gratitude: This is another way to find and maintain a healthy balance in life. Find at least one thing that you are thankful for. This could be difficult especially if you are experiencing sadness, anxiety or going through a tough time generally that is affecting all other aspects of your life negatively. However, try to find at least one thing, even if it seems small, to be thankful for. This will ultimately help you become aware of the fact that life is not just composed of bad and unfortunate events and it encourages you to look at the bright side.

A bad day, month or year does not necessarily mean a bad life. 

Compartmentalise:

By doing this, you remind yourself consciously that certain aspects of your life do not affect other aspects negatively. A bad day at home or with your emotions should not necessarily transcend to a bad day at work where you snap at your colleagues or deliver low quality work and vice versa. A break up should not necessarily transcend into a total change of your character for the worse or you giving up on your goals and personal development as a whole. This is easier said than done but with constant practice and reminders, it can be achieved.

Respond, not react:

Learn to respond to situations instead of reacting. By doing this, you take some time to process the emotions and how you feel by practicing tips #1 and #2 above. You then figure out the best and appropriate way to respond to a certain situation. This helps to reduce any feeling of overwhelming-ness, as it were, or taking decisions based on emotions.

Follow Through:

If you say you will do it, do it! No matter what! No matter how you are feeling! If you say you are going to take that course, get to it. If you are going to work on your personal development, get to it. If you want to get that summer body (this does not apply to me as “calories are not counted in heaven”), get to it! If you find that you sad and anxious for whatever reason and it is threatening to cause an imbalance- I know this may sound weird or funny- but allocate time to feel that way, like 6-7pm. After that, follow through! I am learning the true meaning of “time waits for no one”, so if you want to spend two months wallowing in a pity party instead of getting to what you have committed to do, then time would not wait for you. So if you have committed, follow through!

Remove yourself from the situation: This is absolutely worth a shot in trying to find and maintain a balance in life, although not so easy. When you feel intense emotion you try to press the pause button, go and splash some water on your face and think about protecting emotional distance as much as you can. This could be helpful in that makes you more objective in your thinking and making decisions.

Acknowledge the not-so-great moments: While it is important to stay positive and focused to achieve a healthy balance in life, it is very important to acknowledge the not so great moments. Life is full of ups and downs and it would be unrealistic to expect yourself to be positive in each passing moment. Sometimes, life is full of it and we get swayed by negative emotions, but admitting it is the first step to being able to do anything about it and have that positive balance.

"The truth is that sometimes, life sucks and the healthiest thing you can do is admit it. Denying negative emotions leads to experiencing deeper and more prolonged negative emotions and to emotional dysfunction. Constant positivity is a form of avoidance, not a valid solution to life's problems-problems which, by the way, if you're choosing the right values and metrics, should be invigorating you and motivating you."

Spend time alone: Last but not the least, and this does not have to be said in too many words, spend some time alone. Get to know yourself, your likes, dislikes, your emotions, what triggers you, what makes you feel imbalance. Spending time alone boosts immense levels of productivity and creativity as you are not constantly drowned in the noise of others.

Afraid of spending time with just you? Then you need to look into you and confront that fear.

“You are the only person who will be with you your entire lifetime. Build an intimacy with you.”

I hope these tips are super helpful! They have been and are still helpful to me currently in my journey. If you have any other tips to find and maintain a healthy balance in life, please with me in the comments below! You can also subscribe to my journey by simply inputing your email address below and hitting the subscribe button!

Thanks for reading!

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    As You Leave 2021 Behind…

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    How to Stay Consistent at Reading

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    Book Review: Get a life, Chloe Brown

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    Book Review: The Gifts of Imperfection

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    If You’re Reading This…

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    I Fought With God

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Breathe; A Gentle Reminder

This is a gentle reminder to pause whatever you may be thinking this minute, whatever you are currently over analyzing…and take a deep breath.

This is a gentle reminder to give yourself some credit. You have worked so hard to come this far. It may seem as though things are not going as they should or the exact way you want them to, but in time, they will fall into place perfectly. In time.

This is a gentle reminder to be patient; it will all be worth it. The sleepless nights, excruciating moments, sacrifices, efforts, resources, “wasted” time, the rewards not gotten. In time, they will all be worth it. Do not stop trying. Do not give up. Though you may not get any “recognition” now, but in time, you will. Remember that seemingly mighty dreams/goals are accomplished by first taking a few baby steps in faith towards them.

This is a gentle reminder to keep believing in yourself. Your belief in yourself may have dwindled over time, but remember that your belief in yourself and your capabilities can either create an amazing life for you or destroy one full of potential. All you need to accomplish all you desire lies within you. You are not limited by your circumstances, no matter what they may be unless you allow them hold you back. Remember that if you push hard enough, the universe will give it to you.

This is a gentle reminder to, at least once, today, take a look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself “I am proud of you (insert name)” because you are doing a great job, even when you do not feel like it. Stop being so hard on yourself. Stop bashing yourself. Stop talking down on yourself. You are way more than you think you are.

This is a gentle reminder to take it all one step at a time; because that is all you can really do. Attempting otherwise might cause you to get overwhelmed or worse, fall flat on your face. You want it all and you want it all now but there are steps that must be taken; steps in the right direction. Some of those steps may be full of uncertainty, doubt, fear, failures, anxiety, panic attacks and mistakes, but you must learn to trust the process and treasure the journey.

This is a gentle reminder that each person has his/her own race to run. Resist from engaging in subconscious unhealthy comparisons. Stay away from mediums and people that fuel unhealthy comparisons and self-pity. You believe that you are not growing or making any progress in life because you compare your journey with only the highlights and accomplishments of others while managing to lose focus of yours. Do not get fooled by the seeming perfections of social media. Focus on your journey and feed your focus. You are doing great, no matter how small you think.

This is a gentle reminder to forgive yourself first. Release the need to replay a negative situation over and over again in your mind. Do not become a hostage to your past by always reviewing and reliving your mistakes. Do not remind yourself what you should have, could have or would have been. Release it and let it go. Move on. It is okay to fail, it is okay to learn, it is okay to live.

This is a gentle reminder to accept yourself; to love yourself as you are. Your finest work, your best movements, your joy, peace, and healing comes when you love yourself. You give a great gift to the world when you love and accept yourself.

This is a gentle reminder to take some time out today to appreciate yourself, praise yourself and compliment yourself . You are special, loved and needed in this world because you have a vital role to play, no matter what role it may be. There is something within you so special, unique and that no other person possesses. Find it. And if you are yet to find it, do not worry, it will come.

This is a gentle reminder that your thoughts play a vital role in how you live your life. You can train your thoughts to be positive and hopeful or you can just allow them to be negative and upset you. You can chose to think good thoughts and feel good or you can choose to think bad thoughts and feel lousy. It is totally up to you. You can learn how to change your thoughts and you can learn to change the way you feel about any situation. Change your thoughts, change your world.

This is a gentle reminder that life holds a potential meaning under any condition, even the most miserable ones. Because you are having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month or a bad year does not mean you have a bad life. Your life can turn around for the better in the twinkle of an eye. Life can turn around in the snap of fingers for the better.

This is a gentle reminder that you are enough. You are all you need to complete you. You are a catch. You are more than enough and you are capable of doing whatever you set your mind to. You can accomplish great things, you will accomplish great things.

This is a gentle reminder to retain your sanity. No one can rush you through any phase of life without your permission. The right moments will come and when they happen, they will be magical. Do not rush, do not feel rushed, do not allow yourself to feel rush. Aspire, but enjoy the journey.

This is a gentle reminder that you matter. Your life matters no matter how tiny, insignificant or unnecessary you feel. You may not know this but your life, your mere existence, is an inspiration to at least one other human being. Your being gives them life as they try to navigate the tenets of this crazy world. They look at you and might not tell you but are inspired.

This is a gentle reminder to be grateful during the highs and graceful during the lows. To be grateful and appreciate life for what it is; because life, with its seasons and phases, its ups and downs, its promises and disappointments, its highs and lows, its explainables and unexplainables is beautiful.

This is a gentle reminder to pause and just breathe.

4 Simple & Practical Ways To Prioritize Your Mental Health in 2019

Yessss, these two words…Mental Health.

It’s funny how sometimes we hear the words “Mental Health” and our minds instantly dart to depression, suicidal thoughts, schizophrenia, mental illnesses and so on. While these do exist within the mental health sphere, there is a lot more to catering to our mental health than these. As such, it is pertinent to continue to discover and imbibe ways we can prioritize our mental health and keep ourselves healthy all year long.

I am fully aware that there is this weird negativity ascribed to any thing concerning mental health in general and most times, the Nigerian society tends to subconsciously relegate “mental health issues” to the “crazy”, “sad” or “depressed” in the society. However, for me, prioritizing my mental health is one of the things I am consciously working on this year.

Clearly, our mental health (which includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being which affects how we think, feel, and act) and mental fitness or lack of it has the ability to positively or negatively affect vital areas of our life. Our mental health helps determine how we handle stress, relate to others, and make decisions in life. It therefore goes without saying that if you are mentally fit, if you are fully present and at peace generally, and if you constantly decide to be happy in the midst of life and its eccentricities, then you are bound to achieve more.

“Your mental health is a priority. Your happiness is an essential. Your self-care is a necessity.”

Look, and I say this with all the kindness and care in the world; No one is going to take care of you the way you would. You are mighty loved by family and friends and have a special purpose here on earth. Your family and friends would love to dote on you as much as time and energy allows them. However, each human being tends to put their self-preservation first ahead of another. It is a natural instinct and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. So if you want to be physically and mentally healthy, you have to take the first step.
It all starts from YOU.

So, how, my friends, can you prioritize you mental health this year and in the coming years? I’m glad you asked! Here are five seemingly little but practical ways you can prioritize your mental health and protect your mental space.

Selfcare

It’s basically no news that selfcare is now one of the most used words in the world. Everyone seems to be taking to it and it is not rocket science why. You have to take care of yourself. It is absolutely important for your mental health and mental space. You have to look after yourself and sometimes, put yourself first.

This may entail saying a simple “no” to some requests(which i discuss below) or you taking decisions that may not make others happy. This is so that you are not constantly left feeling stressed out or overwhelmed or burned out. It may also entail changing your lifestyle to a healthier one by paying attention to what you eat, exercising and getting enough sleep. No doubt that a healthy lifestyle would impact greatly on your mental health as a whole.

When you put yourself first sometimes, you feel satisfied, at peace and are able to do more; more for yourself and more for others as well. How is it said again? “You cannot pour from an empty cup”

Say “No”

It’s amazing what power this little two letter word holds and what peace it brings. So I learned this pretty much late in life and used to be so stressed out and burned out due to the loads of commitments and deadlines I would bring upon my self just because I could not say no. I would inconvenience myself for others to my own detriment and I was constantly unhappy (this is not to say that sacrificing for others once in a while is not good, but there has to be some kind of balance in place)…and being unhappy or constantly burned out is definitely not the recipe for productivity or getting things done. Because honestly, if your mind is tired of doing so much all the time, then you’re bound to be moody, irritable, confused, frustrated, lack the necessary concentration or just be downright unproductive.


“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
~ Anna Taylor

Unplug

In a fast paced world, full of distractions of every kind, it is pretty easy to get subconsciously enveloped by it all. Things move by so fast(sometimes, it seems time moves by too fast!) that we’re constantly trying to catch up, you know? And while it comes with its perks, the internet and social media has made our connectivity and access all the more heightened. We are connected to everything and everything is connected to us. Access to you has never been easier.

So then, it becomes necessary, once a while, to unplug from it all…take social media breaks if necessary, disconnect from the world from a bit. Instagram would still be there when you get back, take long walks (you’d be surprised at the amazing effect walks have on the mind and mental health). Be okay with listening to your mind and your thoughts (which I discuss more about below) rather than having it crowded with information all the time or being pulled in different directions by people that have access to you. Practice selective availability.

I watched a TED talk on the negative effects of social media on your mental health and if you have time….mehhnnn you should watch it! You would be blown away. I have put a link here for you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Czg_9C7gw0o

Meditation

So this is something I started pretty recently and I actually have a full blog post on this just sitting in my drafts (yeah I know…don’t mind me), but I promise I’ll post up soon. But I’ll share an excerpt below so you see how this helps to keep you mentally healthy.

“No, meditation is not just about sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed and constantly making humming sounds. Meditation is a lot more than that as it involves a using particular techniques like mindfulness to focus your mind on a particular object, thought or activity. By doing this, you are able to eliminate unwanted thoughts and clear the mind of any overwhelming feeling. You are also able to train your mind to be more attentive, aware stable and calm no matter what may be happening externally. 

You can take five to ten minutes of your day or even an hour meditating. You can sit in an absolutely quiet place, in an upright position, close your eyes and focus just on your breathing or any other sound. When thoughts try to creep in as they normally would do, you mentally swat them away and maintain that quiet calm. You will find that it is harder than it sounds.

“With a calm mind, you are more likely to be able to act by rational choice and appropriately to the situation. When you are in a grip of an emotion, that’s going to bias your perceptions of what is occurring to what fits that emotion. Themes that don’t fit in, you are not going to recognize. So, a calm mind is an essential precondition for being able to respond to the reality, not the unrealities that you are preoccupied with.

The Dalai Lama says that if you are only aware of how you felt afterward, that’s pre-kindergarten. If you are aware immediately afterward, that’s kindergarten. High school is being aware during, and college is if you become aware as the emotion arises. That’s what we would all like to do, so we can choose whether to engage or not, in order not to have episodes that we’ll later regret. And I think it’s possible for everybody to learn this.”~ I promise I’ve forgotten who said this but I’ll find out soon”

It is simply amazing the benefits of meditation and I think this quote does justice to the positive effect meditation has on our mental health in general. When done, you’re left feeling refreshed and with a clear mind. So maybe try practicing it sometime? Yes? Mastery might take a while but practice makes perfect.

Looking at this picture calms me funny enough…

I hope this blog post was helpful in some little way. Let me know your thoughts in the comments! How are you staying mentally healthy this year?

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