I’m sitting in the dark (of choice) typing this on the WordPress app on my phone which I recently discovered because, well, my laptop decided to have a mind of its own and develop a faulty screen. I have now been without my baby for about 2 days, the longest time I’ve been without my her, I think. I do not own a television so I’m not watching that. Televisions are not my thing, really. I don’t know when that started but I haven’t owned one for the past 5 years or so.
It’s the funniest thing how I would typically spend my Saturdays indoors, resting and reading, perhaps shooting content for my YouTube channel or going to book club meet and listening to some very smart people share their perspectives on the book we would have read that month.
However, this Saturday certainly feels different because for the first time, I’m not “allowed” to go anywhere; to move about, to hang out with my crazy friend who gives me life or to go get frozen yogurt from Tutti Frutti. We had our book club meet online today and while it was interesting, it was different.
Had this Saturday gone the way it was supposed to, I would have been surrounded by family and loved ones at a cocktail dinner party in an amazing dress, with professional make up and amazing hair, feeling like Beyoncé et Rihanna with a good-looking date on my arm and dancing like there would be no tomorrow.
I can see it clearly in my head as I type; everything happening in slow motion with music in the background. I am dancing and laughing out loud, being twirled around by the most handsome man in the room as we attempt to out-dance each other. I’m sipping wine I don’t like (because I don’t like alcohol generally) and just having a great time. My nephew, who can now walk, is running to me and I lift him in the air as he squeals in excitement. Then again, if I know my nephew very well, he might be asleep or not in the mood to be carried by anyone since he’s now a grown man at 1 year old and can now make life choices for himself.
Life is funny. We make all the plans in the world but at the end of the day, it’s not up to us. There’s only so much we can control. Man proposes and God deposes, right? Hard truth right there. This is why it is important to make the most of life at any given life. Don’t wait until there’s a pandemic to want to travel and see the world, to take that chance, to do something you’ve always wanted to or be who you’ve always wanted to be.
I’m also understanding how sometimes, it really is the simple things that bring joy and happiness; how at the end of the day, it really is the simple things that matter; the things we often times take for granted.
Fresh air and long walks, a hug here or there from a friend or a loved one, a drive by to get frozen yoghurt, being able to hop on a plane to be with the people who matter the most to you whenever you want, walking through the supermarket and buying things without anxiety or paranoia, going out on Friday night with your girls to have drinks…
It’s day 5 of Lockdown and I’ve learned more about myself in 5 days of being “locked down” and in “self-isolation”; more than I have in the past couple of months, even though I’m not typically surrounded by a lot of people on a normal day.
I am doing the best I can to remain positive, I speak to my family and friends occasionally and I’m confident within me that we will overcome this. I know that God will continue to be with us. He never leaves us hanging. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did ask him some questions at the beginning to find out why this was happening. I needed to however make peace with not knowing why; with not having all the answers to every question I asked and I did make peace.
When this is over, I know the things I’m definitely not taking for granted. I hope you do too.
I know that this will be over soon, for this too shall pass.
If you’re currently in a slump and feeling a little less than motivated to work towards the goals you have set for the year, chances are, you need a little booster to get you back on track.
You may be feeling a little less than motivated to go to work, finish a book, tap into your creative side to come with with new ideas, finish that online course, pray, work on your relationship with God or whatever it may be. The funny thing is you may not be able to identify any reason for the lack of motivation.
It is important to remember that motivation is not a constant thing, it comes and goes. And it is safe to assume that this applies to all human beings (just in case you were tempted to compare yourself to the next person who seems to have everything figured out.).
So what ways can you motivate yourself to get back on track and focus on achieving your goals?
Remember Your Why
Go back to your why.
Why did you set this goal? What do you seek to achieve with this goal? Write these down as you ponder on them.
It really helps to know the purpose for which you are starting a particular journey so that when you find yourself in a slump, you can find the fire to continue. Read motivational and inspirational books, listen to podcasts, fill your mind with positive and inspiring content and have inspiring conversations.
Share your Goals
Admittedly, this could be scary to do sometimes because you want to make sure you follow through when you share your goals with another person. However, it is important to share your personal goals with close friends or family who can help keep you motivated.
Sharing your goals is as important as who you share your goals with. Remember, the whole idea of talking about your goals is to boost motivation. So, in sharing these parts of you which you may be nervous to share, you want to be on the lookout for people who you know would keep you on your toes in an encouraging way.
Sharing your goals does not only provide you with accountability and encouragement, but suggestions and advice on what you can do better to achieve the desired goals. This could serve as a much needed boost to help you reach your destination.
Build on Small Successes
Sometimes. its easy to lose motivation when the goal ahead seems too huge or just too much.
However, if you break down the goals into mini-goals and micro-mini goals, then the goal is you can achieve almost anything.
Remember to take one day at a time and in doing that, take one moment at a time. You could write down your mini goals for the day or for the week and paste them anywhere you have a lot of access to so you can be reminded of those goals. Take one task at a time and then you find that in doing that, the momentum builds.
Do not forget to celebrate little victories when they happen. You deserve to celebrate and enjoy your small successes .
Stay positive
Always remind yourself to identify the positive results and not the negatives that would come out of achieving your goals. Remind yourself that you are a winner; you can do it and you will do it!
Make a decision to get back on track and stay there!
Love and Light,
Rachel
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“Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.”
~John Allen Paulos
Dealing with uncentertainty can be tough.
Not knowing what lies ahead or whether you’re on the right path can be nerve-racking. Not having figured out your path or purpose in life can sometimes cause levels of anxiety and stress.
The world is full of different opportunities for the taking and sometimes, you want to be sure an opportunity is for you before you take it; you want to be certain of an outcome to ensure that it is not a waste of time or a failed venture. You want to take a risk, but not too-big-a risk; you want to make your loved ones proud, be successful, fall in love, settle down with a family and be happy.
If you could, you would probably want to see the end from the beginning…just to be sure before taking that step; because some assurance that you’re on the right track and that things will turn out well always comes in handy.
However, life does not always go this way. Uncertainty is the only certainty there is. In other words, you will continue to exist in a space that is filled with uncertainties; not knowing the end from the beginning. You will continue to have “what–if?” questions, doubts and wonder whether it will all be worth it at almost every phase in life.
You may be undergoing a phase of uncertainty in your life or have just completed one phase, uncertain of what the next holds. You may be afraid of the change that comes with the next phase or in fact, have no idea of what it’s supposed to look like.
I am learning a lot about making peace with uncertainties in life and not being able to predict the future. So here are 7 ways you can handle uncertainty.
1. Let go and Make Peace
The first step to dealing with uncertainty is learning to let go and make peace with the fact that you cannot control everything and everyone. While you may strive to have total control over your life and take responsibility for your every action, you do not have total control of life in general.
To deal with uncertain phases in your life, you need to be willing to understand that some things are just way beyond your control and this should be okay. You may be able to control what you say but you cannot control how someone will interprete it; you cannot control another human being’s feelings towards you no matter how hard you try; you can submit your CV for a job application, but you cannot control the HR Manager’s actions; you cannot control your children, your friends or the universe as a whole.
So what do you do? You simply make peace with this fact and take each day as it comes, hoping for the best and working hard to get the best.
2. Trust Yourself
Right now, you may be trying to find your purpose or what on earth you are here for. You may just be waiting for the next best opportunity to kick off the next phase of your life.
Whatever the case may be, you need to learn to trust yourself. Trust your capabilities and believe in you. You are doing your very best to make some good out of life and you will be rewarded for all your hard work. You may be quite unsure of what the future holds and overtime, may have started doubting your capabilities to achieve a task at hand or get that job or get admission into school or start that business or that blog or YouTube channel.
Resist negative thoughts such as “Will I be good enough?”, “Will they like me?”, “What if I’m not accepted?”, “What if they laugh?”, “What if it fails?” and engage! The best way for you to know if an opportunity is for you is to engage with it; try it out.
Most of the time, you do not lose anything by trying, but all the time, you lose 100 percent of the shots you do not take.
Trust yourself. Trust the God in You.
You can do it
3. Breathe
Just Breathe.
Sometimes it can get overwhelming not knowing what the future holds and not having figured things out in your current phase of life. The pressure on you right now may be seemingly insurmountable because a lot of expectations are weighing you down. In your world, you have no choice but to “make it.”
In the midst of all the uncertainty, the drama, the “hustling” and “bustling”, the disappointments and emotional rollercoasters as well as the hopes and expectations, remember to Breathe.
Once in a while, take some time out for yourself. Breathe in and out intentionally. Exhale the stress and inhale the positivity and bright hopes for the future. Take some time out to do things you love, hang out with friends, watch a movie, take in the beauty of life, take periodic mental breaks and stay emotionally and physically present.
It’s pretty easy to get lost in the overwhelmingness of life, planning for a future that you cannot see and striving to put the right things in place. Enjoy each moment life gives you and remember to stay positive.
4. Maintain a Positive Attitude
I will be the first to admit that sometimes, this could be very tough to do in the midst of uncertainty.
However, the good news is that you have a choice. You always have a choice. You can either choose to have and maintain a positive attitude towards life in general and be positive about what the future holds for you or you can choose to be consumed by negative thoughts.
Remember that you attract what you are ready for and what you speak over your life. I believe that words are very powerful, no matter what context they are used. If you constantly speak about how hopeless your reality is and how it does not seem to get better or will it ever get better, then that is what will manifest in your life. However, if you speak positivity into different areas of your life even when you have no clue what the future holds, even when it seems bleak, you will manifest that positivity over your life and reap fruitful rewards.
5. Stay Focused on Your Journey
While it is important to learn to speak positivity over your life, it is equally important to stay focused on your journey.
YOU HAVE TO RESIST THE URGE TO ENGAGE IN UNHEALTHY COMPARISONS.
Put your head down and focus on what needs to be done. Remember that you can only control so much, so do what you can. If you need to tidy up your CV, apply to that school, take a first step towards a business, take a leap of faith or work on a relationship, DO IT. Do what you can control and leave the rest to God.
Believe it or not, everyone is trying to figure life just like you. No one has it all figured out, including the ones who do. We all have uncertain moments and moments of success culminating in individual journeys in life. So do not compare your behind-the-scenes with another person’s highlight reel. If you need to take some time off from social media, do it. If you need to unplug, do it. But remember that it is YOUR journey; it does not have to look like that of another person.
6. Avoid labelling
Avoid negative labelling when you are going through any form of uncertainty. If you have not gotten desired results in your life after trying a number of times, do not label yourself as “stupid”, “dumb”, “broken”, “not smart enough”, “not good enough”. You also need to refrain from making statements like “I always mess things up” or “I’ll mess this up”.
Your mind feeds into what you continuously tell yourself. Negative labelling does not keep you focused and strips you of the strength to go on.
7. Keep Going!
Most importantly, keep going!
Even in the midst of uncertainty, do not give up, do not give in, do not stop.. Keep going. Keep putting in those applications, keep studying hard for that exam, keep acquiring those skills, keep hoping for the best and feeding your mind with positive thoughts.
You may not have it all together or figured out right now, but that is okay. One day you will, and one day it would all be worth it. So do what you can and stay focused and consistent!
Trust the process. Trust God. Trust your journey and never give up.
Remember, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Love and Light,
Rachel
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As a recovering control freak, one of the hardest things I have learned and am still learning is occasionally stepping out of my comfort zone and taking big little steps in the pursuit of my goals.
Admittedly, stepping out of your comfort zone may be difficult to do; in that it is the space in your life that brings you the most comfort and where you do not have to deal with nerve-racking uncertainties.
As human beings, we are wired for comfort and tend to seek out a peaceful existence where we are in control and can plan accordingly. We are perfectly content with a world where everything goes right and nothing goes left. Most of us only desire to be in a space we can control. However, the danger of remaining in your comfort zone is that it limits your growth, learning and creativity as you “escape” taking on challenges which are an integral part of life.
“Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new.”
Brian Tracy
It is simply fascinating how we subconsciously tie the words “safety” and “better” to our comfort zones. We believe that it is better and safer to remain in our comfort zones (whether or not we choose to call it that) when in reality, our comfort zones may not necessarily be safer or better; it is just all we have ever known. Our bodies get used to a particular way of doing things and a way of existing that any thought that creeps up to suggest something otherwise is shot down by fear and “rationality”.
You choose to remain in your comfort zone because you are uncertain of what lies ahead
Another prominent reason why you choose to remain in your comfort zone is the almighty Fear of the Unknown.
The Fear of the Unknown is such a paralysing factor in the pursuit of goals and dreams. We tend to think of the unknown as “unsafe” and subconsciously associate it with failures and negative “what-ifs” which is why we would rather stay in a toxic relationship that our bodies have gotten used to than be single or explore thoughts of leaving the toxic relationship. This is also why we would remain in a job we hate which pays a relatively reasonable salary as long as it can foot the bills.
While fear is valuable in that it keeps you safe and encourages caution when caution is due,…
It’s also a limiting thing: Not everything you’re afraid of deserves fear or caution. And sometimes, moments of bravery are what are needed to make your life better.
Forbes Coaches Council
How can you overcome fear and step out of your comfort zone?
Do new things that make you uncomfortable
This is something I started at the beginning of last year and it has been amazing. Simple yet profound in stretching your mind to get used to a life outside your comfort zone.
By doing things that typically make you uncomfortable, you find that your mind gradually experiences freedom. You may experience discomfort while doing or watching people do certain things due to factors like your upbringing, culture, fear and environmental factors or just a subconscious “what would they think about me?” mentality.
However, by constantly engaging in activities that you may not typically engage in, your mind experiences freedom to enable you take the big little steps. Some of these activities, may include singing out loud while taking an early morning walk, greeting and talking to strangers, dancing in public, jumping out of a plane (skydiving, please), wearing clothes that typically make you feel body conscious, parasailing or entering a hot air balloon, answering a question first in class…the list goes on and on.
Me parasailing sometime last year. Best experience ever.
In a nutshell, the things that make you cringe or think “I can never do that” ? …do them.
“As you move outside of your comfort zone, what was once the unknown and frightening becomes your new normal.”
Robin Sharma
Take Baby Steps
A very important way to overcome fear and step out of your comfort zone is to take baby steps in the direction of your goals.
Understand that if your goals and dreams scare you sometimes, this is perfectly normal. Perhaps you want to achieve something that has not been achieved before, or you want to give a different twist to an already existing product and the thought of starting gives you all sorts of anxiety; start by taking baby steps. You may be looking to quit your job to get a better one or start doing what you love because your current job does not align with your purpose. You may be scared of losing your financial independence and/or somewhat financial stability that has aided you this far.
However, it is necessary to take baby steps in the direction of your goals. Some baby steps could be drafting a business proposal, reaching out to a potential investor who is a complete stranger, searching for new jobs, dusting up your CV, applying to schools to further your education if you desire, giving yourself closure before stepping out of a toxic relationship. Whatever the case may be, the important thing is to start somewhere.
When you take and accomplish these baby steps, you gain the necessary confidence required to step out of your comfort zone.
Develop a Growth Mindset
“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work, brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”- Carol Dweck
Developing a growth mindset is crucial in overcoming fear and stepping out of your comfort zone. This is because your mindset affects your attitudes and general outlook on life.
Most often than not, we remain in our comfort zones due to the fear of failure which is intricately tied to the fear of the unknown. The fear of failure itself is so mentally paralysing and destabilising to the extent that the comfort zone begins to look so attractive that any opportunities for growth and learning are subconsciously shot down by the mind.
By developing a growth mindset, you are able to take on challenges while learning from them and increasing your abilities and achievements. A person with a growth mindset does not see failure in its raw form and does not get discouraged by mistakes, but sees failure as a learning opportunity to be and do better. Furthermore, he/she sees failure not as an evidence of unintelligence, but as an opportunity for growth and as such, is constantly willing to improve and positive about the future.
“A growth minded person believes that they can learn anything as long as they are willing to put in enough effort into it. If they fail, they would get back up and try again, this time with new knowledge about what not to do. They realize that their potential is only limited by their willingness to work hard and keep trying new approaches until something works.”
You can read more on how to develop a growth mindset here.
Affirmations
Words are so powerful and simple positive words which may seem ineffective on their own, can evoke a powerful response of feeling amazing, powerful and like you can take on the world.
By repeatedly saying positively affirmative words to yourself even if you do not believe them at first, your brain believes them. This is because your brain does not know the difference between what words are true and false. Positive affirmations help you counter negative thoughts that may pop up from time to time due to fear.
Also, be careful of the negative words you tell yourself or others about yourself, whether jokingly or in serious terms. Sooner or later, you begin to believe them and act accordingly. If you continuously say “this one is too big for me to do” or “I can only imagine working there” or “let me do the one I know I can do, that one is only a dream” then sooner or later you believe in and limit yourself accordingly.
You cannot know until you try.
You cannot control everything in life and you need to make peace with this. In the pursuit of your goals and dreams, you can only fight to overcome fear, take calculated risks, do your best and have some faith.
Remember,
Your greatest fears are just that…your greatest fears.They have no power over you unless you give them power.
I pray you find the strength and bravery to step out of your comfort zone this 2020 and exist courageously.
Love and Light,
Rachel
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I can only imagine what may be going through in your world. You may or may not have been having a great time this month or year but, I want you to remember that YOU MATTER and here are 7 reasons why:
You are the only You there is.
In a world of about seven billion people, it may sound impossible, but you are the only You there is. You may have unknown doppelgangers littered across the world, strangers with similar talents or friends with like passions. BUT…none of them are You. You are special, amazing and beautiful. You matter because your unique quality is an added bonus to this world.
“By just being you, you make a profound difference in this world.”
Your mere existence is an inspiration to mankind
You may think you have to do; do more, do better, be more or be better to inspire someone alive at this very moment. You’re wrong. Your existence alone is an inspiration to many. Whether you have fought a number of internal battles while wearing a perfect smile on your face, or are still struggling to make things work in different aspects of your life, you are an inspiration.
As unbelievable as it sounds because you’re tempted to wonder how you can inspire when you “have not accomplished anything”, remember that you have accomplished life, living, overcoming and drawing in breaths with each moment. You are a source of hope and faith to the silent watchers. While you may wait to have a story to tell, remember that your story is in your existence, your experiences and your birth.
You have the power to heal souls
With simple kind words, a generous act or just a genuine compliment, you possess within you, no matter your age or economic status, the power to heal a soul, uplift a spirit and save a life. People around you hurting in silence and fear can feel a sort of respite just by coming in contact with your being. You have within you, the power to change lives for the better by being you. Some may expressly tell you, others may thank you silently from the depths of their hearts.
Your feelings matter
You matter because your feelings matter. Your emotions, as raw as they may seem, matter. Every fibre of your being matters. Every thought, every feeling, every hurt, pain, joy and laughter matter.
You may have heard words like “oh its just this”, “aren’t we all going through it?”, “people have it worse” or “remember to be grateful”. These may be true, but remember that your feelings are valid. They are not invalidated by another person’s similar or worse experience.
You are loved and needed
You may not feel like it sometimes, but you are loved. You are needed. You are desired. By us. We falter as humans sometimes because we only express our innermost gratitude and appreciation for each other when we are gone, but we are learning. At every phase of your life, you are loved and needed.
You have a voice
With your voice you can move mountains. With your voice you can shake the earth. With your voice, you can start a movement. You matter because you have a voice which you can use to stir the world in a better direction. You can use your voice for good and positively impact people for free.
With your voice putting out positive energy in the world, you can cause a spark that will change the lives of people you are yet to come in contact with. With your voice, you can change the life of a next-door neighbour.
You have a purpose
Instilled in every human being, including you, is a purpose. A unique purpose no other person has. A purpose so valuable that you wonder how “little you” can fulfil it. You were destined for it from the moment you were intricately crafted in the womb.
You watch others executing ideas that seem to align with your purpose, similar to those ideas you crafted in the privacy of your room but have been sitting on for the longest time because of that four-letter-word, HOWEVER, your purpose is unique. It’s what you are on earth for. Do not rule it out saying “someone is already doing it.”
Understanding your purpose and higher calling in life requires patience, self-awareness and introspection. It requires unplugging from the world occasionally and observing quiet times.
“Never ever think that what you have to offer is insignificant. There will always be someone out there who needs what you have to give.”
Please think about these words deeply until you find truth in them. And if you are looking for 50 more reasons why your life matters, read this.
May this new month bring you joy, a lot of reasons to smile from the heart and peace of mind. 🥂
Love and Light,
Rachel
P.S, I am excited to announce that I will be LAUNCHING MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL for my book reviews this February 2020! I love, love, love books and I love discussing them any chance I get. I read quite widely from fiction to non-fictional to psychological thrillers to autobiographies to bildungsromans to self-help and motivational books, I love them all! So if you’re a booklover or know someone who is, you can hit the subscribe button here or share the link so you know when the content drops!
You may have penned down your goals/resolutions/action points/ideas…whatever you’re calling it this year, for 2020; some of which may include plans to eat healthier, exercise more, sleep better or just achieve and maintain optimal physical health generally. However, it is important to ensure that you are intentional about your mental health this year.
You may be wondering “what has mental health got to do with it?”
Well, ALOT.
Your mental health; which includes your emotional, psychological, and social well-being, affects how you think, feel, and act. Your mental fitness or lack of it has the ability to positively or negatively affect vital areas of your life.
Furthermore, your mental health helps determine how you handle stress, relate to others, and make decisions in life. It therefore goes without saying that if you are mentally fit, fully present and at peace generally; and if you constantly decide to be happy in the midst of life and its eccentricities, then you are bound to achieve more.
“Your mental health is a priority. Your happiness is an essential. Your self-care is a necessity.”
The importance of optimal mental health cannot be over-emphasized. So, here are 5 practical tips to prioritize your mental health in 2020.
Take mental breaks/Unplug
This year might get crazy; crazy good and crazy not-so-good. You will face challenges, obstacles and probably overwhelmed at some point. Perhaps, it may be from the goals you have set as nothing good comes easy. You will therefore need to take mental breaks periodically to ensure that you do not get mentally burned out.
Mental breaks are great for your mental health in general because they give you a much-needed boost in creativity and productivity. They serve to rejuvenate and refresh your mind so you are not simply existing on auto-pilot mode on a day-to-day basis, “barely makin’ it“. These breaks, if taken the right way, serve to provide a healthy balance between rest and work/productivity in a very busy and distracting world.
Also, when you take these mental breaks, unplug from the world for some time. In a fast-paced world, such as the one we live in right now, it is easy to get enveloped in every distraction available to mankind. While it comes with its perks, the internet and social media have made our connectivity and access all the more heightened. We are connected to everything and everything is connected to us. Access to you has never been easier.
Take occasional social media breaks if necessary; disconnect from the world for a bit. I promise, YOU WILL SURVIVE. Be okay with listening to your mind and thoughts rather than having it crowded with information all the time or being pulled in different directions.
You can read more about why you need mental breaks and 5 simple ways to take a mental break here.
Avoid toxic environments
You need to be intentional about the environments and people you constantly relate with. You need to have the courage to move away from toxic people and environments that are not mentally healthy. If you can stay away from places, avoid certain types of food to preserve your physical health, then you need to be ready to do same to maintain optimal mental health.
When your brain is constantly filled with any form of toxicity such as verbal and emotional abuse, gossip, negativity as well as verbal beat downs, YOU CANNOT BE PRODUCTIVE. This is because your brain does not know the difference between right and wrong. Whatever you constantly reinforce is what it will believe. So if you consistently place yourself in these kind of environments, sure enough, you will begin to think like this.
So what if some of these toxic people are family members? Find a way to manage your relationship with each family member so you do not get mentally dehydrated while dealing with them.
Avoiding toxic environments and people will ultimately help to boost your mental health as you will not be constantly consumed by negativity and toxicity, thereby leaving room to allow you be creative and productive.
Say “No”
It is simply amazing what power this little two-letter word holds and what peace it brings. So I learned this pretty much late in life and used to be so stressed out and burned out due to the loads of commitments and deadlines I would bring upon my self just because I could not say no.
I would inconvenience myself for others to my own detriment and I was constantly unhappy (this is not to say that sacrificing for others once in a while is not good, but there has to be some kind of balance in place)…and being unhappy or constantly burned out is definitely not the recipe for productivity or getting things done; because honestly, if your mind is tired of doing so much all the time, then you’re bound to be moody, irritable, confused, frustrated and lack the necessary concentration required to get things done.
Learn to say “no” once in a while to avoid taking on too much at once and getting burned out. Practice Selective availability. If you cannot do it at the moment, you cannot do it and that is fine. As long as it is not a life-death situation, your mother, brother, sister, friend, cousin, uncle, niece or nephew will be fine. As soon as you unburden yourself, you can help out.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.” ~ Anna Taylor
Meditation/Prayer
No, meditation is not just about sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed while making humming sounds. Meditation is a lot more than that as it involves a using particular techniques like mindfulness to focus your mind on a particular object, thought or activity. Trust me, it’s a lot harder than it seems.
BUT,
By doing this, you are able to eliminate unwanted thoughts and clear your mind of any overwhelming feeling. You are also able to train your mind to be more attentive, stable and calm no matter what may be happening externally.
What you can do is take five to ten minutes of your day meditating. You can sit in an absolutely quiet place, close your eyes and focus just on your breathing or any other sound. When thoughts try to creep in as they normally would do, you mentally swat them away and maintain that quiet calm.
Praying also helps quiet the mind and keep the brain functional. This is because your body ultimately bows to your mind and the belief system you constantly reinforce therein. If you strongly believe that prayer will bring you peace and comfort, then it will. Prayer does not have to occur in a structured pattern. Just say it as you feel it and your spirit may just feel a tad bit lighter.
Journaling
I have been journaling for close to six months now and it has been absolutely amazing!
After my post on how journalling is changing my life and the benefits of journalling, (which you can find here) I have received quite a number of messages from people sharing their journalling stories and how it has helped them alot.
Look…it is something to be tried.
Journalling has been proven to reduce anxiety, clarify thoughts and perspective, encourage mindfulness and self awareness as well as serve as an emotional release, thereby keeping you mentally fit for periods at a time.
Reach out/ Open up
When was the last time you genuinely opened up to someone about your feelings, emotions or just how life is treating you in general? When was the last time you said something along the lines of “You know what, I’m not doing so great?” when a trusted friend or family member sought to know how you are doing. When was the last time you felt light after having purged yourself of any deep-seated emotions that linger within?
I will definitely be the first to admit that it is not the easiest thing in the world to open up or bare your soul to anyone. In fact, it is easier and faster to just mutter a simple “fine” when asked the usual “how are you?”
However, opening up to a trusted friend, a family member, your therapist (if you have one) or even a stranger, boosts your mental health as it purges your brain of any conscious and unconscious mental blocks that may prevent you from living a mentally healthy life.
You should not be ashamed or guilty to open up about what you may be dealing with, including any mental illness or challenges you may be facing. What is unhealthy is holding things in with the expectation that they would just fly away.
Please reach out and open up today.
I hope these tips have been somewhat helpful to you.
Wishing you Love and Light,
Rachel
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As the first couple of weeks of the new decade draws to an end, quite a number of us may already be over the “Happy New Year” “New Year, New Me”, “Vision 2020” vibe, that is, if we were even hyped about it in the first place.
You may or may not have penned down the goals you want to achieve in the new year and you may or may not be ready to execute them.
Whatever the case may be, if you’re looking to start acting on those 2020 plans, here are 5 important steps to turn your plans into action!
1. Develop an Action Plan
An action plan is basically a road map you can follow that will get you to your goal. It critically examines and answers the questions “when?’ “what?” “how?” “who?’ and “why” in relation to the goals you set.
By developing an action plan and writing same down, your goal will seem less daunting and more attainable. Your action plan should entail a detailed breakdown of all the steps needed to achieve your goals along the way. By writing out the individual steps, and then crossing each one off as you complete it, you will realize that you are making progress towards your ultimate goal. This is especially important if your goal is big and demanding, or long-term.
In my previous blog post, I discussed developing an action plan and how a vision board party I attended helped me reflect clearly on some important questions in relation to my goals here.
2. Decide to be Consistent and Committed
Look, the truth is, you can pen down all the goals in the world, develop a ten-page action plan or hang twelve vision boards in your room with words screaming at you in capital letters. If you do not decide to be consistent and committed to your goals this year, you will fall short.
This is not me trying to be negative or pessimistic. It is just a fact. In order to follow through on your goals for the year, you must decide to be consistent and committed. However, the work is not in the decision but in the follow through. To help with making the conscious decision, you can write it down, stick a little reminder on your mirror or talk to someone about this conscious decision you want to make and implement.
The truth is, making a decision to be consistent is like making a vow. There is really no point in making it if you do not intend to follow through on it. So, before you make a hasty decision, seeing as it may appear simple to do, remember that you will be required to follow through to see results.
For more tips on being consistent and getting things done even when you do not feel like, click here.
3. Develop Discipline
In order to achieve those goals you have set for yourself for 2020, you have to grow and develop in your discipline. Without discipline, accomplishment of goals set will be next to impossible.
Discipline will help you go far and keep you motivated to continue in your goals and dreams for days you do not feel like doing anything. Practice delaying immediate gratification of activities that are not in line with your goals.
4. Conquer Fear and avoid procrastination
In order to smash the goals you have set this year, you need to conquer fear. I have realized that this is as important as the goals themselves. Fear paralyses you and boxes you into a corner, so that you cannot move, cannot act and cannot take decisions capable of catapulting your life in the direction you want it to go.
You must conquer fear and repeatedly remind yourself that you want these goals and are willing to work hard to see results. them. Stop doubting yourself and your capabilities. Do not talk down to yourself or wait to be the smartest in the room before you take a step.
Furthermore, avoid procrastination. Avoid the perfectionist mindset. There is no perfect time. And if there was a perfect time, the perfect time would be now! You do not have to be ‘good enough‘ to start working towards your goals and putting things in place that will help you accomplish same.
“Our greatest fears are just that…our greatest fears“
5. Go For It!
There is no time like the present. You’ve got to start somewhere, so dig deep, find your courage and go for it! Your goals will never happen if you don’t take action. It may seem scary to take that first leap. Maybe you’re still working on the details, developing the action plan, thinking it through or are worried you’re not ready.
Plan and ensure that all the necessary preparations are carried out. However, you also need to jump in and continue to figure it out as you go
YOU CAN DO IT!
Love and Light,
Rachel.
P.S, Do you want to receive FREE life-changing, straight-to-the point and concise weekly emails guaranteed to help start your week right? If yes, click the link here to sign up so you receive them and don’t miss out on anything!
Congratulations on making it to the year 2020 and thank you for sticking with me and my blog posts in 2019! I am super grateful for your comments, posts, shares, encouraging words and kind feedback.
Welcome to a fresh start and a new decade bursting with opportunities for the taking. Welcome to a joy-filled, peace-filled, productive and goal-smashing 2020 loaded with unconditional love for self and others. Welcome to 2020.
Whatever your journey in 2019 may have been; exceptional, amazing, boring, mind blowing, frustrating, full of growth, nothing to write home about,…2020 presents a chance to start over.
In starting over, you may want to consider some of the following suggestions:
Plan. Prepare. Perform. Pursue. Prioritize
Plan: The year is starting out and you have taken note of what you want to accomplish this coming week, this month and this year. You need to plan. Plan in detail how you want to achieve these goals. Yes, “life happens” on some occasions, but that is no reason to abandon planning. You want to save? Plan. You want to travel? Plan. You want to start a business? Plan. You want to get into school or take a course? Plan.
“A goal without a plan is just a wish.”
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Prepare: Be prepared for the successes and challenges that may come your way as you achieve those goals this year, lest they overwhelm and shake you. Be prepared to make mistakes and be prepared to fail. Be prepared for delays that my not necessarily be denials. Be prepared to do great things.
“By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”~ Benjamin Franklin
Perform: And when you’re done planning and preparing; when all you’ve consulted, researched, come up with backup plans B-Z…whatever it may be, GO FOR IT! Just go for it. It may not be perfect on the first go and mistakes are bound to occur along the way, but get it done. Be brave enough to start with where you are, with what you have and with what you are. Be brave enough to put yourself out there for the world to see your light. Surround yourself with encouragers, overcome procrastination and go for it!
“Done over good.”
Prioritize: In all of this, do not forget to prioritize yourself. Your health; mental and physical. Take care of your self, of your soul, of your spirit. Exercise, eat healthy, be present in whatever you do. Engage with other human beings and social activities, limit social media consumption and take mental breaks when needed. You are your most valuable asset. Take care of You.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will and won’t accept.”
~ Anna Taylor
Pursue: This year, pursue your goals and passion with everything you’ve got; that which sets your soul on fire; which makes you feel alive. Pursue it with all you’ve got even when others do not seem to understand. And when the obstacles and challenges show up, when the going gets tough, remember your why and keep going.
“When the going gets tough, put one foot in front of the other and just keep going. Don’t give up.” ~ Roy Bennet
So here’s to wishing you an amazing, productive, laughter-filled, joy-filled, peace-filled 2020. 🥂
“Our Dreams become Reality, when we first, give ourselves permission to Dream, wildly and without limits. Then we turn those dreams into Goals, which is the bridge between the world, imagination and the reality we create for ourselves.”
Nara Lee
Who else is bubbling with excitement at the thought of 2019 coming to an end?
This year has really been something, if I do say so myself. No matter how crazy it has gotten, I am still grateful for being able to see its end. I am also excited about what 2020 holds because I am certain it’s going to be a great year for everyone reading this!
So, if you’ve been doing some deep reflection about how 2019 went and you have started thinking of setting goals for 2020, then you’ve come to the right place!
Me at a vision board party I attended recently.
You may currently have decided on some goals you want to achieve in 2020, but may have decided to just “wing it” and “see what happens”. Quite a number of people in recent times have hopped on the “no new year resolutions” and “just gonna go with the flow” trains. While there may be nothing wrong with this, setting your goals and putting pen to paper might just be the best thing you decide to do for your 2020.
Here’s why…
Goal setting is really important because it gives you long-term vision and short-term motivation. It focuses your acquisition of knowledge, and helps you to organise your time and resources so that you can make the most of your life.
When you have a goal written down, you have a destination, a standard, a sort of benchmark. You are conscious of achieving this goal and are constantly reminded of same. The goal means a lot to you so most of what you do during the year, months and days are intricately tied to achieving this goal.
Furthermore, when you set goals, you develop effective action plans that will help motivate and guide you towards them. You are therefore able to navigate life keeping your goals in mind and can return to your why when you find yourself in a demotivation pit.
So here are 5 helpful tips for effective goal setting in 2020:
1. Write them down!
Now,
This is the part where I emphasise how important it is to actually write down your goals for 2020 and not just make a mental note of what you hope to achieve. While I am not writing mental notes off, I believe (and this has been backed by years of scientific research) that written goals are more likely to be achieved than those not written. The physical act of writing down a goal makes it real and tangible so it is hard to forget.
“By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands—your own.”
—Mark Victor Hansen
Let’s do a little exercise that requires honesty: Think of the goals you set at the beginning of 2019. Now, take a slow but careful look back on how the year went in terms of your goals. How many were achieved and how many were not? How many of the goals not achieved were because you genuinely forgot or felt you could not “keep up”? No need to beat yourself up if you feel you fell short this year, there’s always next year. Besides, you are not your goals!
Your answers should motivate you to write down your goals going forward. You actually stand to lose nothing if you write down these goals.
2. Set goals that align with your purpose
It is very important to set goals that align with your purpose and calling in life.
A number of us get caught up in setting goals based on what we think we should be doing or accomplishing (saving up for a new car when it’s not needed or getting a higher paying job in an industry you hate) rather than based on what our purpose is.
While these goals may be achievable, you’ll find that they are much easier to drop during the year because they are not aligned with your purposed and/or calling. You may set them because you feel you need to, but if you dig deep, you’ll find that you are not passionate about these goals and/or they are not in sync with your deepest dreams and desires.
“So, when you set your goals, go for your deepest dreams, desires, passionsand calling. Don’t let the voice inside your head tell you “it’s impossible”, “it’s too complicated”, etc – because if you don’t set that goal, you will never do, what you were put on earth to do.”
You may be wondering “well, what exactly is my purpose and/or calling?” To that, I say, you already have your first assignment of 2020. Now get to it.
3. Set SMART GOALS
SMART stands for Specific., Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time Bound.
Specific: Do not be vague. Ask yourself exactly what you want. Write it down. Do not be scared to be specific about when, how, how long and even how much you want?
Measurable: Quantify your goal. How will you know if you have achieved itor not? Set simple milestones and celebrate little victories.
Attainable: Be honest with yourself about what you can reasonably accomplish at this point in your life while taking into consideration your current responsibilities. Ask yourself “Is this goal attainable?”
Realistic: It’s got to be doable, real and practical. Do not get overwhelmed by people’s input of what their version of reality is. You may also be tempted to, out of fear, rule certain goals out as “unrealistic”. Do not let fear rule your goal setting for 2020.
Time: Associate a time frame with each goal. When should you complete the goal? It is advisable to have short time frames for smaller goals within the bigger goals rather to prevent getting discouraged or demotivated.
4. Use unconditional love as the starting point
“When you use unconditional self-love as the starting point when setting any goal, you remain aware that perfection is not tied to the end result, but rather the reality of the present moment.You were perfect at the onset and you are perfect now; you are perfect throughout. You are aware the entire time that the end result won’t define you. It is through the practice of awareness that you are able to see the perfection that exists in yourself, which also lets you see perfection in the world around you and in each being in it.”
This is so so so so important because you need to remember that you are setting goals because you want to, you desire to, and not because you need to. You need to remember that you are not the goals you set, neither are you the accomplishment or otherwise of these goals.
When setting your goals for 2020, use unconditional love for yourself as a starting point. By doing this, you understand that you are already perfect and complete in God as you are. These goals (be it getting married, moving to a better apartment, having kids, getting a better job, getting into school etc) are amazing bonuses that do not define you at your core.
You are already perfection. Never forget that.
5. Develop an Action Plan
This step is often missed in the process of goal setting. I must admit that even I have missed this step a lot of times in setting goals. I would just write down my goals and try to keep it moving.
However, it is important to develop an action plan which entails a breakdown of all the steps needed to achieve the goals along the way. By writing out the individual steps, and then crossing each one off as you complete it, you’ll realize that you are making progress towards your ultimate goal. This is especially important if your goal is big and demanding, or long-term.
I recently attended a vision board party hosted by VisionBoardsNigeria and it was an amazing time for me reflecting on my goals for 2019 and which ones I was able to accomplish. I was able to reflect on those I was yet to accomplish and why.
It was a defining moment for me when I realised that although I did not accomplish some goals I had set out, I did not feel any less about myself. Instead, I was spurred to try again in 2020.
Remember…
“Goal setting is much more than simply saying you want something to happen. Unless you clearly define exactly what you want and understand why you want it the first place, your odds of success are considerably reduced.”
Here’s to a productive and goal-smashing 2020 filled with unconditional self-love. 🥂
Love and Light,
R.
P.S, Do you want to receive FREE life-changing, straight-to-the point and concise weekly emails guaranteed to help start your week right? If yes, click the link here to sign up so you receive them and don’t miss out on anything! https://mailchi.mp/06750630c287/weeklyemails
Rachel Eyo 