Blog – Rachel Eyo

As You Leave 2021 Behind…

I hope that as you leave 2021 behind, you are proud of yourself; that you are proud of how far you have come, not necessarily in terms of what the world may count as achievements and accomplishments, but in terms of how far YOU have come. I hope that as you review your year, you practice self-compassion and remember that your worth is not tied to your accomplishments

I hope that you look back on the year, not with regret or pain, but with peace; a peace that surpasses all understanding, that envelopes you and makes you feel warm on the inside and that gives you hope for tomorrow.

YOU have made it and that is all that matters.

You may not feel like this year was anything to write home about. You may still be dealing with some unresolved disappointment, blow or pain that the past months or year have thrown at you. BUT YOU are here and YOU are present. YOU should be proud, if not for anything, but for this.

It is true that where there is life, there is hope, there is opportunity, there is chance; A chance to heal, a chance to right wrongs, a chance to start all over, a chance to keep going, a chance to grow… a chance to live.

So this is not a piece to help you take stock of how the year has been or to give “tips” on how to bounce back from a rough 2021. While these may be useful, this is a simple piece to once again celebrate YOU, for making it this far and for not giving up.

So here’s to YOU. 🥂

Remember, the world is always better with you in it.

The Joy of Being

“Even if you did nothing, you are still worthy; worthy of love, of friendship, of happiness, of peace and of laughter. Your “amazingness” does not come from “the things you do” but who you are at your core.”
– Rachel Eyo

When was the last time you enjoyed just being?

Just being you; kicking back and relaxing; being present and enjoying the beauty that is life; doing nothing.

More often than not, we tend to find “joy” in “doing”, in being motivated, in being busy and in being “productive”. We swell with pride at an accomplished feat and sometimes do not even pause to celebrate said feat. Rather, we’re immediately on to the next task, goal, mission or vision. And if we fall short after a victory, we are quick to get hard on ourselves, forgetting the recent victory we forgot to savour. We are constantly on the move and not stopping soon, not even to get proper rest. Sometimes we proudly say “sleep is for the dead” and worse, we believe it.

The fast-paced world we live in occasionally makes us feel being busy (not “productive”) all the time is a good thing and not being busy is a not-good thing. Social media has exacerbated this feeling due to the fact that we have constant access to a steady stream of daily updates of things “being done”.

As a result, we’re constantly “doing”, constantly attending meetings, working, creating, dashing here and there, meeting deadlines and working some more. In fact, we subconsciously derive some joy and validation from constantly doing to the point that believe that if we are not busy or doing something, then we have nothing significant to contribute to the world. This explains why taking some time out to rest or vacationing with family without looking at a laptop could prove very difficult for some people.

Thus, we tie our worth and self-validation to what we do, achieve or accomplish; When we “do” and are busy, we are worthy and amazing. When we are doing nothing, we are not worthy and so we fidget and fight ourselves and look for something to occupy our minds and we are restless through out.

I’m learning to enjoy the art of being, enjoying my existence, the present moment, breathing in the fresh air and taking one step at a time. While I hardly get bored(because I’m always with one book or the other, lol), I’m learning to be okay with doing nothing at certain points and just appreciate life for what it is. Sometimes, it feels weird because I’m used to “doing” and feel weird when I’m not doing, but I’m slowly unlearning glorifying “busy”-ness and “doing”.

So, be okay with being bored occasionally, be okay with the quiet, take walks, REST, meditate, unplug from social media and the noise occasionally and bask in the beauty that is life.

Find joy in being; in your being.

Rachel

Explore

I want to be wrapped up in vast cultures, languages and the heritage of the human experience;

I want to explore lands, valleys, hills and mountains of different shapes and sizes located on the far ends of the earth;

I want to travel through time as I rewind or fast forward the hands of my watch due to time change of different countries;

I want to experience being terribly jet lagged in a failed attempt to adjust and re-adjust my sleep pattern;

I want to fall asleep in or remain awake in cities where the sun does not set and the night is day;

I want to be insignificant in the throng of humans who can neither see me nor understand my language;

I want to be thrown into utter confusion in the market places of different cultures where I can neither understand the languages of humans who will appear strange to me but are still bound by market principles;

I want to be humbled by my invisibility and the unimportance of my opinions; most of which I hold as true and dear to me;

I want to revel in and taste amazing platters of food; the names of which are difficult for me to pronounce and made from ingredients too complex to understand but so simple in taste; ingredients that I am not aware exist;

I want to walk the lonely, beautiful and old streets of cities whose buildings boast of a rich history known to only the world;

I want to swim in waters so crystal clear perfectly reflecting the sky’s blue-ness or green-ness with animals that I’m all too familiar with only on “animal planet” or “google”;

I want to feel the snow in the palm of my hands and watch it slowly change form; my mind’s eye aware of a nearby waterbody o( natural or artificial) frozen over;

I want to explore cities and farmlands, meadows and valleys whose realities are more beautiful than the pictures taken of them;

I want to see this beautiful earth, for what it is and the beauty that lies within and without.

If You’re Reading This…

If you’re reading this, you have made it to the last day of 2020.

Congratulations!

What a tough year it has been. From the outbreak of the corona virus pandemic, to a nationwide and global lockdown, from social distancing and practices that have become “the new normal” to record-breaking deaths in a year, from dealing with loss, grief and pain and the shocking turn of events from the #endsars movement in Nigeria…it. has. been. ALOT.

No matter what pain or heartbreak one bears from whatever events, it is true that where there is life, there is hope, there is opportunity, there is chance; A chance to heal, a chance to right wrongs, a chance to start all over, a chance to keep going, a chance to grow… a chance to live.

2020 may not have been the best of years for a lot of us – indeed, our spirits have been tested, pushed beyond limit and probably broken at some point- but you should be proud of how far you have come… not necessarily in terms of what the world counts as achievements and accomplishments, but in terms of how far YOU have come.

YOU have made it and that is all that matters. You may not feel like this year was anything to write home about. You may still be dealing with some unresolved disappointment, blow or pain that the months have thrown at you. BUT YOU are here and YOU are present. YOU should be proud, if not for anything, but for this.

So this is not a piece to help you take stock of how the year has been or one to give “tips” on how to bounce back from a rough 2020 or how to cope with a mentally challenging 2020 or how to set goals compassionately in 2021. While these may be useful, this is a blog post to celebrate YOU, for making it this far and for not giving up.

So here’s to YOU. 🥂

Never forget, the world is better with you in it.

I Fought With God

It’s been a week and a day, but on the 20th of October, 2020, I fought with God.

It was not our first fight. Over the course of my life and as with every other kind of relationship I have, we had had fights. I would tell him how mad I was with him and he would humour me in the weirdest way in the course of my day, in a way that I knew that it could only be him. Sometimes, he would try to tell me something and I would fail to listen, do it my way, get burned and sulk to him. Then he would calm me down and assure me that he got my back without saying “I told you so”. It was our thing.

However, this was the motherload of all fights because I felt my soul tear into pieces when I fought with him.

In the days leading up to the 20th, our relationship was already somewhat turbulent, especially as I continued to take in everything that was happening and is still happening in Nigeria. I wondered where he was.

I cried out…and now that I think about it as I type, I want to cry some more…I cried out to him, searching for him, wondering where he was, wondering where he has always been, wondering why he hadn’t done something…anything! Surely, a father would rush to the aid of his children who cried out to him? Surely, he would. Surely he would eventually give some respite to some of his children who had suffered for decades at the hands of a few wicked, wicked, heartless, wicked men?

But my father was nowhere to be found. Mine was silent. Mine was absent when I and millions of others who looked to him needed him the most. How could he see everything that was going on and let it go on? How could he let injustice continue to be the order of the day? How could he watch as wicked men continued to go scott-free, not bearing any repercussions for their wicked actions? How could he not make sure that the curses that had been placed on these wicked few manifested in their lives? How could he watch as these wicked people rub their wickedness in our faces? How could he watch in silence as innocent people who just want to live a better life and want a change, were shot dead? How could he be silent when people continue to live in poverty and watch their hopes and dreams crushed? How could he watch as innocent little children are being sold as slaves or forced to work in mines all day long in the most deplorable of states? How could he let the evil in the world happen? Most of all, how could he be silent when he knew that he was and still is all we have?

How??

Was this what he meant by praise him in the good and bad times? Because which kain bad times be this one?

At some point, I felt stupid, I did. Because what was I expecting? The heavens to open up and he would swoop down and fight for us or part elegushi beach into two so that we could walk through to freedom? No, maybe I was expecting that he would wave his hand and all the wicked, evil, heartless politicians would drop dead at the same time. Really, what was I expecting?

And so I grappled with what I believed was -and some little part of me still does-his betrayal of my trust in him. I watched helplessly as my world around me burned to the ground. I told my mother that he did not love us and I strongly believed it.

Isaiah 26:3 “You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.”

I definitely was not “kept” in “perfect peace” even though I trusted that he would come through for us even though I did not know in what way. My mind, soul and heart were not in “perfect peace” on 20th October, 2020.

As I try to piece back together what is left of my broken heart, sometimes I feel him trying to give me a hug to reassure me that he’s in control, but sometimes I don’t want it. I don’t want him to give me a hug, I want him to fix everything. Fix it, and fix it now…or in the nearest future. He can literally snap his fingers or think it and it would be fixed. None of that “my time is not your time” stuff. We’ve been waiting for decades. None of that Israelites stuff of 400 years or 600 years. We don’t even get to live that long these days anyway so, when do we get the respite? And don’t tell me that “stuffs” about getting the respite not in this life, but in the afterlife and in heaven, because, so I was brought here so I could suffer? We should have kuku gone straight to the afterlife if na so so suffering someone will be suffering here.

This fight truly exhausted me and broke me inside because making up is not as easy as in the other fights.

Annoyingly, I can’t help but talk to him and tell him about my day, even though a part of me is still upset with him. And I can’t help but talk to him in the morning before I start my day and tell him how I’m hoping it would go. I can’t help but thank him when I get back home safely at night after a hard day and when I wake up to a brand new day. I can’t help but feel like he loves me. I can’t help but wonder if he’s sad or feels everything that’s going on, and I can’t help but think of him and wonder what it’s like to be him for one day.

I feel us making up and coming back together one day at a time. I’ve spoken to him in bits and pieces and I’ve spoken to him wholly. I have poured out my heart to him and I am sure millions of his children have done so too at this time.

I am hoping we get to experience some respite in this lifetime.

I am hoping we get to heal in this lifetime.

On 20th October, 2020, members of the Nigerian Armed Forces opened fire and live bullets on Nigerian peaceful protesters (protesting police brutality in Nigeria) in Lekki, Lagos, Nigeria as they sat on the ground, waving flags in the air and singing the National Anthem, leading to the death of some and injury of many peaceful protesters. This is now known as the #LekkiMassacre.

Till date, no one has been held accountable for the actions of the Nigerian Armed Forces.

We will continue to speak up and lend our voices to #EndPoliceBrutality in Nigeria.

May all the souls of the departed, the ones known and those unknown, near and far, present and past, rest in perfect peace.

We will never forget.

#EndSars

HOW TO PASS THE NIGERIAN LAW SCHOOL (NLS) BAR FINALS | 7 READING TIPS for NLS STUDENTS

Last year, I shared my experience preparing and writing the NLS bar finals on my blog.

On my Youtube channel, I once again share a little bit of that experience as well as some valuable reading tips for law school students, law undergraduates and individuals interested in pursuing a law career in Nigeria and/or getting called to the Nigerian bar.

I also discuss how to handle pressure before, during and after the examinations period.

Enjoy!

Meditation, Mindfulness and Multitasking

“To understand the immeasurable, the mind must be extraordinarily quiet, still.” – Jiddu Krishnamurti

In a fast-paced world full of activities and distractions, it is pretty easy to get overwhelmed and suddenly find yourself on autopilot, coasting back and fourth day in day out, as the weeks go by.

Sometimes, there are just too many things; goal setting and planning, implementation and execution, responsibilities at work, home, school… it can get crazy and you can swamped and cluttered.

Life can get so overwhelming especially when you feel as though you are being pulled in several directions but cannot get a proper handle on each aspect of your life…and those moments where it seems like you cannot seem to catch a break? You just want to sit in a corner, cry your eyes out and then move on.

The point is, life tends to get alot… and the thoughts that propel these activities that we engage in often get too much, and feel as though they are consuming us from the inside out. It feels like you are constantly chasing down these thoughts to put them in order but they keep getting away from you.

Then there’s social media. You have information about everyone and everything coming at you from every angle, unrestricted unfiltered, uncensored; the good, the bad and the very ugly. This can be unsettling some times and you KNOW you should take a BREAK, but there is that seemingly addictive pull to it that you cannot explain that gives you some sort of relief in spite of everything crazy going on in the world.

Meditation

No, meditation is not just about sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed and constantly making humming sounds.

Meditation is a whole lot more than that as it involves a using particular techniques like mindfulness to focus your mind on a particular object, thought or activity. By doing this, you are able to eliminate unwanted thoughts and clear the mind of any overwhelming feeling. You are also able to train your mind to be more attentive, aware, stable and calm no matter what may be happening externally.

“With a calm mind, you are more likely to be able to act by rational choice and appropriately to the situation. When you are in a grip of an emotion, that’s going to bias your perceptions of what is occurring to what fits that emotion. Themes that don’t fit in, you are not going to recognize. So, a calm mind is an essential precondition for being able to respond to the reality, not the unrealities that you are preoccupied with. The Dalai Lama says that if you are only aware of how you felt afterward, that’s pre-kindergarten. If you are aware immediately afterward, that’s kindergarten. High school is being aware during, and college is if you become aware as the emotion arises. That’s what we would all like to do, so we can choose whether to engage or not, in order not to have episodes that we’ll later regret. And I think it’s possible for everybody to learn this.”
-Unknown

With Meditation, one feels more relaxed and refreshed afterwards and is able to eliminate any unwanted thoughts by clearing the mind of so much debris. Admittedly tough at first to do, with time, you learn to sit still and focus on one thing, perhaps your breathing, as you take steps to arrive at a peaceful place in your mind.

Mindfulness

In the midst of it all, it can get difficult to remain centred; to remain present or to actually be aware of how we are feeling in any given situation. In charting the auto-pilot course, we tend to take our feelings about situations for granted. We take for granted our thoughts, emotions, bodily sensations, mental health and how what is going on in our surrounding environment is negatively affecting us. And we just keep it moving.

“Mindfulness means maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens. When we practice mindfulness, our thoughts tune into what we’re sensing in the present moment rather than rehashing the past or imagining the future.”
– Greater Good Magazine

Scientific research has shown that mindfulness helps reduce anxiety and depression. By effectively understanding and becoming aware of our moment-by- moment thoughts, feelings and sensations, we can find better reactions to difficult situations.

While Mindfulness could be said to be the awareness of something (emotions, thoughts, feelings and sensations), meditation is the awareness of nothing (by elimination of unwanted thoughts). However, both leave you feeling relaxed, more in tune with your body and true self and all together relieved. They aid in improving sleep, reducing high blood pressure and are a great stress reliever.

Multitasking

Another side to it all is this belief that we can do as many things as possible at a time. In trying to meet deadlines, achieve certain things and just handle responsibilities generally, we find ourselves attempting to multitask… trying to do two or more things at a time thereby giving half the effort to both tasks instead of solely concentrating on one task until that has been achieved.

Multitasking is a Myth.

Multitasking is really just an attempt at trying to do two or more things at the same time. It has been scientifically proven over and over again that the brain does a bad job at trying to handle more than one thing at the same time. Examples are checking your social media while driving or maybe checking your social media while working or reading and replying messages while having a conversation with someone else.

The more we try to multitask, the more the tasks before us suffer because we do not give our full attention to the.

The world is already a crazy place. Allow peace flow into your mind for your mind is your greatest asset.

Rachel.

Rape Culture in Nigeria; An Honest Discussion

There has been so much going on in the world in. the past couple of weeks; BLM protests all over the world and rising cases of sexual violence and rape against Nigerian women. In a span of 5 days, our social media alerted us to about 4 disheartening cases of rape across Nigeria.

Rape is one of the most. under reported crimes in Nigeria and other parts of the world.

On my YouTube channel, I discuss how some cultural and religions traditions we hold on to so dearly have consciously and unconsciously exacerbated rape culture in Nigeria.‬ What are we thinking, saying and doing that we think is normal but is putting more blame on women and removing focus from the rapists and rape as a crime? What are we doing that discourages rape victims from speaking out about their experiences?

How can we move forward as a society so that women do not have to keep going through such horrific ordeals or enduring such pain in silence? It starts with me, you and everyone who needs to have a mentality shift. I also share little tips on what we can do as individuals who have had these traditions and thoughts on rape and sexual abuse imprinted on us.

Rape is not a funny issue.

Rape jokes are not funny.

These discussions need to be had. It could be me. It could be you. It could be your sister, friend, daughter, wife, niece. It doesn’t have to be you or anyone you know before you speak up and lend your voice in the fight against rape and rape culture in Nigeria.

Watch the video below and let me know your thoughts in the comment section:

Sending you Love and Light in this trying period.

Rachel.

Overcoming Perfection Paralysis; 5 Tips to Help You Get Started

You have composed your first song; you have written your first blog post; recorded your first Youtube video, gathered content to launch your website; tidied up your CV; written your masters’ application essay, put together content for your first webinar/masterclass/event or come up with a brilliant business idea with a stunning business plan and proposal even you are proud of.

You are eager to get the process going.

BUT…

You are stuck.

You are paralysed.

You cannot seem to take any step further because you are plagued by the need to ensure that everything you have done is perfect.

You probably suffer from perfectioniosis and have no one to tell you. Your need for perfection may be your blessing and curse in that your refusal to accept nothing less than your idea of “perfect” helps you produce top quality work, but may paralyse you when all you need to do is just get started.

If you do find yourself stalling intentionally on getting things done, here are 6 tips to help you overcome perfectionism and just get started:

1. Develop a Growth Mindset

“A growth minded person believes that they can learn anything as long as they are willing to put in enough effort into it. If they fail, they would get back up and try again, this time with new knowledge about what not to do. They realize that their potential is only limited by their willingness to work hard and keep trying new approaches until something works.”

A growth minded person takes on challenges, learns from them and increases their abilities and achievements. He or she does not see failure in its raw form and does not get discouraged or devastated by mistakes, but sees each failure as a learning opportunity or as an opportunity to be better and to do better. He/she sees failure not as an evidence of unintelligence, but as an opportunity for growth. He/she is constantly willing to improve, is positive about the future and hopeful that his/her goals would be achieved.

When you develop a growth mindset, you are gradually able to overcome perfectionism as you learn to accept that failures are a part of the process. Your first try is not expected to be superb neither is it expected to be perfect.

“In a growth mindset, people believe that their most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work-brains and talent are just the starting point. This view creates a love of learning and a resilience that is essential for great accomplishment.”
Carol Dweck

2. Remember, “Done over Perfect”

This is so important to remember in whatever task or project you may be working on. You may be waiting for the perfect time or the perfect person, or perfect equipment, or perfect result, or perfect scenario. Just stop waiting and get started!

The perfect time is now. Every second you waste trying to “get things together” or “put the finishing touches” is another second that you lose fussing over things that may not matter. Be okay with learning as you go along. No one is ever perfect the first time around. Mastery takes time, practice and consistency. You may be worried about what other people think of the quality of your work, but put in your best and put it out there. How would you know if you do not try?

An excerpt from Jen Sincero’s You Are A BadAss

Also, be okay with welcoming constructive criticisms and feedbacks. Do not take them personal.

3. Avoid Unhealthy Comparisons

Do not in anyway compare yourself to the next person.

Sometimes these unhealty comparisons creep up subconsciously and we waste valuable time dwelling on them and feeling less than competent to handle certain tasks because we are too busy concentrating on the next person’s strengths and not ours.

A growth minded individual realizes that each person has his/her gifts, talents, strengths and weaknesses and has an equal chance at developing same as each individual is unique in his/her own way. Focus on your strengths and develop your weaknesses into strengths. Also, feed your potential.

Time spent watching another person’s progress and comparing to yours, reduces the time you have to focus on your journey and goals.

Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.

4. Fall in Love With the Process

Enjoy the learning process of it all.

Life is in various stages and phases with each one presenting a plethora of lessons you can learn from. You could find that you are so obsessed with end results and expectations within a certain time frame that you get impatient and begin to freak out when the process goes beyond that expected time frame.

Embrace each phase and each lesson that can be learned from life, all the while expecting the best to come and working hard to achieve it. Do not worry about how you are going to be perfect or how it will work out. Just put your head down and do the work. Success will come.

The prize is in the process.

5. Believe In YOU

Seems pretty basic right?

The reality is if you are letting time pass you by and not getting started on your goals, then you do not believe in yourself so much. You have chosen to focus on your weaknesses and not your strengths. You have chosen to listen to the negative “what if’s” over the positive “what ifs”. You have decided that you are not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty/handsome enough or not qualified enough to get things done

The most important question to ask yourself when you get consumed with these self-limiting beliefs and doubtful thoughts is “How true are these thoughts?” Alot of time, we drown ourselves in thoughts that are not true; thoughts and fears that prevent us from getting what we truly want. Your fears are really just that and they almost never come true anyway.

So what are you waiting for? It does not have to be perfect the first time and there is always room for growth and self-improvement.

Stop doubting your greatness.

You can do it.

Just get started!

Watch this book review I did on Jen Sincero’s book You Are A Bad Ass which has given me the inspirational and motivational push I needed to keep going after my goals. (Also, please subscribe to my Youtube Channel)

Lockdown Chronicles

It’s Lockdown day 5 in Nigeria.

I’m sitting in the dark (of choice) typing this on the WordPress app on my phone which I recently discovered because, well, my laptop decided to have a mind of its own and develop a faulty screen. I have now been without my baby for about 2 days, the longest time I’ve been without my her, I think. I do not own a television so I’m not watching that. Televisions are not my thing, really. I don’t know when that started but I haven’t owned one for the past 5 years or so.

It’s the funniest thing how I would typically spend my Saturdays indoors, resting and reading, perhaps shooting content for my YouTube channel or going to book club meet and listening to some very smart people share their perspectives on the book we would have read that month.

However, this Saturday certainly feels different because for the first time, I’m not “allowed” to go anywhere; to move about, to hang out with my crazy friend who gives me life or to go get frozen yogurt from Tutti Frutti. We had our book club meet online today and while it was interesting, it was different.

Had this Saturday gone the way it was supposed to, I would have been surrounded by family and loved ones at a cocktail dinner party in an amazing dress, with professional make up and amazing hair, feeling like Beyoncé et Rihanna with a good-looking date on my arm and dancing like there would be no tomorrow.

I can see it clearly in my head as I type; everything happening in slow motion with music in the background. I am dancing and laughing out loud, being twirled around by the most handsome man in the room as we attempt to out-dance each other. I’m sipping wine I don’t like (because I don’t like alcohol generally) and just having a great time. My nephew, who can now walk, is running to me and I lift him in the air as he squeals in excitement. Then again, if I know my nephew very well, he might be asleep or not in the mood to be carried by anyone since he’s now a grown man at 1 year old and can now make life choices for himself.

Life is funny. We make all the plans in the world but at the end of the day, it’s not up to us. There’s only so much we can control. Man proposes and God deposes, right? Hard truth right there. This is why it is important to make the most of life at any given life. Don’t wait until there’s a pandemic to want to travel and see the world, to take that chance, to do something you’ve always wanted to or be who you’ve always wanted to be.

I’m also understanding how sometimes, it really is the simple things that bring joy and happiness; how at the end of the day, it really is the simple things that matter; the things we often times take for granted.

Fresh air and long walks, a hug here or there from a friend or a loved one, a drive by to get frozen yoghurt, being able to hop on a plane to be with the people who matter the most to you whenever you want, walking through the supermarket and buying things without anxiety or paranoia, going out on Friday night with your girls to have drinks…

It’s day 5 of Lockdown and I’ve learned more about myself in 5 days of being “locked down” and in “self-isolation”; more than I have in the past couple of months, even though I’m not typically surrounded by a lot of people on a normal day.

I am doing the best I can to remain positive, I speak to my family and friends occasionally and I’m confident within me that we will overcome this. I know that God will continue to be with us. He never leaves us hanging. In the spirit of full disclosure, I did ask him some questions at the beginning to find out why this was happening. I needed to however make peace with not knowing why; with not having all the answers to every question I asked and I did make peace.

When this is over, I know the things I’m definitely not taking for granted. I hope you do too.

I know that this will be over soon, for this too shall pass.