Going through social media the past couple of weeks and seeing what a tough time 2019 has been for a lot of us was actually surprising. I had sat in my little hole thinking it was just me who had had a crazy year, only for thousands of people to open up about how rough 2019 was for them.
It just goes to show that no matter what one is going through or how peculiar it may feel in that moment, there is also someone, somewhere in the world, who may be experiencing something similar even though unique, and can relate to what you’re going through.
You’re not alone.
If 2019 knocked you down a little too hard or more than what you expected, here are 7 simple ways to bounce back to help you get ready to embrace the beauty that will be 2020. These simple but super useful tips are sourced from a mix of my experiences this year and what has helped me in bouncing back so far, a podcast by Robin Sharma I listened to a while ago and one of my now favourite books of all time, The Mastery of Self by Don Miguel Ruiz Jr.
When you sit down to reflect about how your 2019 has been, especially when you look at the rough times, ask yourself “How could this be worse?” , “What was good here?” “What were my blessings?” , “What am I grateful for?”
When you look at some of these moments that may have caused you pain, brought some disappointment, heartbreak or betrayal, attempt to reconceptualise your thoughts if you have been looking at the painful experiences negatively. There is no doubt that these experiences may have been rough or painful, but by reconceptualising, you begin to see things with a growth mindset. No matter how much you feel like the victim in a situation, and granted, you may have been, try to ask yourself “What can I learn from this?” “What can i do differently going forward?” “What ways can I improve better?”.
Leave other people to find out for themselves and concentrate on YOU.
Leverage for growth
As mentioned earlier, what you do not want to do in bouncing back in sitting in a pit and letting only negative thoughts cloud your mind. However, what you want to do is to use these rough times in 2019 (no matter how rough they may have been) as opportunities to leverage for growth going forward.
“Hard times are nothing more than Growth in wolves’ clothing.“
Ask yourself “How can I use this to grow?” and “How can I use this to cover the shattering of my ego?”
Sometimes a situation looks so bleak that you feel that there’s nothing to learn from it, or that there is nothing to grow from, but I bet if you looked close enough, you would find at least one way. Some of these rough times may just help us become stronger as individuals.
Appreciate the season
The truth is that difficult times come to crack the shell of your understanding, to humble you, to remind you that you are human. You may appreciate the pain that comes with these times, but you can appreciate the season; the season of growth, stretching, improvement. Learn to use the stumbling blocks you faced in 2019 as stepping stones in 2020 and turn those wounds to wisdom. Share with people what you have learned during the painful seasons and wear your scars proudly.
Feel to heal
If there is any pain you need to heal from in 2019, then you need to feel it. Running away from it and pressing the “reset” button or burying it deep down to enter 2020 with is very unhealthy. Deal with it and feel it so you can move on. Reflect on those tough times and pay attention to the difficult feelings that came with it. Do you still feel any resentment, anger, bitterness or any negative feelings towards something or someone? Are you disappointed in yourself for not reaching certain goals? You need to dig deep and deal with these feelings.
“To release a toxic feeling, the only way in is out.“
Do not tie achievements to self worth
Ahhhh. This is one of the most important lessons I have learned this year; not basing my self worth on my achievements or accomplishments. I am definitely using this going forward in 2020.
A lot of us base our self worth on our achievements and accomplishments in different seasons of our lives. So if we are not employed, married, married with kids, do not have a high paying job, are not able to finish an online course, are not able to read a book in a year, not able to gain admission into school, are not able to save a certain sum of money by the end of the year, then we are failures and nothing more.
This is not true!
Even if you did nothing, you are still worthy; worthy of love, of friendship, of happiness, of peace and of laughter. You are still worthy of all the amazing blessings God gives. You are still amazing and special. Your “amazingness” does not come from the “things you do” but who you are at your core. You are already made perfection by God.
“When you use unconditional self-love as the starting point when setting any goal, you remain aware that perfection is not tied to the end result, but rather the reality of the present moment.You were perfect at the onset and you are perfect now; you are perfect throughout. You are aware the entire time that the end result won’t define you. It is through the practice of awareness that you are able to see the perfection that exists in yourself, which also lets you see perfection in the world around you and in each being in it.”
Do not wallow
Refuse to wallow in the disappointments of 2019. Refuse to remain in the pit of negative thoughts from 2019. Forgive yourself for mistakes made, chances not taken, discipline not exercised, not being discerning enough or moments where fear overwhelmed you and pushed you out of an opportunity. Forgive yourself, take the most important and practical lessons that can be applied in the new year and move on. Remember, time waits for no one. Time spent wallowing can be spent on doing and being better.
Detach from Outcomes and Focus on the Journey
A lot of us tend to focus heavily on the outcomes and destination of our goals or desires for the year that we forget to just enjoy the journey. We are too busy looking at where we want to get to that we forget to be present and enjoy life for what it is. In bouncing back, learn to detach from outcomes, while still having them, of course, but most importantly, focus on the journey, the experience and the lessons.
Learn to be patient. If it wasn’t your turn this year but another’s, be happy for him/her. Next year may be your turn…and if it isn’t, you try again in 2021.
Remember, you are not the accomplishment of your goals or desires.
Here’s wishing you an amazing, productive, laughter-filled, joy-filled, peace-filled 2020. 🥂
May all your dreams come true!
Love and Light,
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