Dear Broken Crayon,
I only call you broken for I know you have survived several shattering experiences and are only trying to put some pieces of you back together. You have been used, broken to little pieces, bended over backward, scratched and melted through the fire till your parts drip with bitterness, rage and pain. You have been molded and remolded by life’s unkind experiences into shapes that you can neither describe nor fathom. You have been looked down on and stereotyped by Society for being unwhole, inadequate or seeming to appear unscathed. You too have, in some down moments, looked down on yourself and constantly felt l as though you are of no worth. You have been through it all and only you knows.
From the father who walked out on you, to the mother who was never present in your life, to the times you would rather not have been touched the way you were. From the betrayal of a friend, to the survival of a terribly toxic relationship. From the survival of every form of abuse; mental, physical, emotional and verbal to the constant bouts of seemingly unending depression and hurt, to the thoughts in your head that have told you to just end it all. From the inexplicable pain of having lost a loved one to the cold hands of death, to losing a loved one, to losing yourself in someone. From losing the your major source of income and means of livelihood, to having to start all over again, to constantly being told “you are not good enough”. You have been through it all.
You need to know that your pieces are still as beautiful as your whole. You need to know that a piece of you would colour ever so brightly as the whole of you. You need to know that your brokeneness does not prevent you from filling another’s existence with colour and making them whole. You need to know that your past does not determine your future. You need to know that nothing you have been through will affect the destiny that has been perfectly shaped for you as long as you let yourself loose from your brokenness. You need to know that although you may have looked down on yourself, felt inadequate or beat yourself down for the mistakes made, opportunities lost, time wasted, relationships lost, you are of value, you are worthy and you have a purpose.
It’s perfectly okay to have gone through what you went through. It’s okay that you feel as though you deserved none of what life has thrown at you. It’s okay that life itself may not have gone the way you planned. It’s okay that you keep trying but just keep coming up short. It’s okay that you may have cried a thousand times but the tears fail to purge the hurt and the pain.
But its not okay to fill your mind with thoughts that dwell on the past and your brokenness. It’s not okay to constantly stay up at night, laying in bed and feeling sorry for yourself. It’s not okay to desperately cling on to mistakes in the past to try to overcompensate for them. It’s not okay to keep waiting for the “I’m sorry” that may never come. It’s not okay to sit by the door waiting for closure to release yourself from the hurt, bitterness and rage. It’s not okay to not let go and not forgive. It’s not okay to give up on life and its beauty because the one you loved the most is not alive to see you be the best you can be at this present moment. It’s not okay to live in a bubble of constant negativity and hopelessness because of the seemingly unending disappointments
You are stronger than you think. You have purpose and you have value. You are worthy. Your shattering experiences have taught you lessons, made you stronger and shaped you into the best you can be. You can do great things. You will do great things and achieve all you ever wanted. Do not give up on your abilities. Do not give up on you. Do not count yourself out. Do not allow life beat you down.
Choose greatness. Choose kindness. Choose love.
There’s a Broken Crayon out there with its pieces scattered everywhere that needs just a piece of you to help it see that it can still colour as bright as ever.
Your painting may not always be perfect, but with whatever you are made of, allow your pieces paint beautiful pictures on life’s canvas.
You still colour.
A Broken Crayon…still colouring.